I am sorry, I love you
by MeghanthePagan
Summary: Muraki has had Hisoka in his clutches for two weeks, claiming that he needed fixing. Can the department put him back together? TsuSoka,I just found the hurtcomfort genre. runs around in excitement! HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

I'm sorry that I love you.

Two weeks had passed. Two weeks of terrifying worry.

The entire department was tense and unusually quiet. Terazuma was verging on a pack and a half a day. His ashtray almost always full.

Tatsumi had re alphabetized this years case files seven times already.

Konoe had taken to emerging from his office. Something he rarely did. He paced back and forth passed Tsuzuki and Hisoka's office for half the day usually.

Watari who had shut himself in his lab for most of the past two weeks was now in the infirmary making sure that they were fully stocked with all the gauze and antiseptic they could possibly ever need. 003 fluttering behind him in his now, frantic speed.

Wakaba was also in the infirmary today, readying it for the enormous task that lay ahead. Every now and then she would pause by the window and stare up at the sun her hands clasped in silent prayer.

The biggest clue that something was terribly wrong was Saya and Yuma sitting on the love seat, arms wrapped around each other silently weeping. Every so often they would get up to retrieve some coffee and a muffin from the break room and take it outside to deathly silent and morose Tsuzuki.

He stayed perched on the front steps his face firmly planted in his hands. The heels dug into his eyes, as if willing himself not to cry. He knew that he would be crying soon enough but he knew that he had to keep it together for Hisoka's return.

Two weeks ago. Tsuzuki watched helplessly as Muraki carried off an unconscious Hisoka.

"…He is broken Tsuzuki dear. And because I love you, I will fix him and return him to you in two weeks. I realize that if I ever took Hisoka from you, you would never forgive me. So don't fret I will return him to you better than new." The doctor said from his perch atop a famous church in the area he and Hisoka had been investigating.

Cradling Hisoka in his arms, looking down almost lovingly he whispered something to the sleeping boy and hugged him to his chest. Tsuzuki watched helplessly as the boy stirred and clung to the sinister doctor.

"GIVE HIM BACK!" Tsuzuki screamed. But before he could even fly three feet into the air, Muraki and Hisoka had disappeared. He fell the short distance back to the earth. His knees stained with the green grass and began to weep.

The two agonizing weeks had passed. What had Muraki done? It's because of me that Hisoka was taken!

But he shoved those thoughts to the back of his mind. He had plenty of time to brood, once Hisoka was safe and out of harms way.

Tatsumi wandered out onto the stairs and sat next to Tsuzuki.

"Anytime now he should return."

"Hai."

"Tsuzuki, I want you to be ready. Hisoka will more than likely not be the same."

"Hai"

"And we will have to keep Hisoka restrained at first. Who knows what he could do under Muraki's spell."

"Hai, hai. We already talked about this Tatsumi. I am prepared. As long as we get him back alive. There is still hope… right?" He asked weakly. Tatsumi looked down.

"Yes Tsuzuki. There is always hope." But he didn't sound too convincing.

"So what, is the kid just going to come walking up the stairs?" Tatsumi and Tsuzuki turned around to see Terazuma light up yet another cigarette.

"Knowing Muraki, yes." Said Watari as he and Wakaba exited the building, followed shortly after by Saya and Yuma, eyes still red and puffy.

Tsuzuki looked back out over to the horizon. Saya went and sat next to Tsuzuki latching on to him. To offer as much support as she could to her elder. Wakaba sat on the step in front of them legs crossed. Leaning back against Saya's knees.

Terazuma walked down the steps. Determined to put himself on the first defense. His worry might have been out of character for him, but Hisoka was a friend and the kid was one of the only bearable people in the department. He was genuinely worried for him, not to mention how his absence had affected the whole department.

Konoe emerged from the office to stand beside Yuma and they waited in silence.

They need not have waited long for as soon as the sun's last rays disappeared over the scattered buildings and sakura trees Hisoka had teleported right before the steps where they all waited.

He stood there in a white Kimono, his head down slightly so they could not see his eyes. He looked eerie in the darkening twigh-light. Standing there completely still. Almost lifeless.

Tsuzuki shot up ready to embrace him. For two weeks it felt as if he couldn't breath. But now suddenly it felt as if a weight had been lifted from his chest. Tears began to spill from his eyes, but he wiped them ferociously away. Now was not the time for that.

Saya and Yuma lined up behind him, as if eager to receive their turn to hug the kid. But Tatsumi held them back. Instead Watari and Terazuma approached him.

"Bon?" Watari asked warily as he and Terazuma slowly filled the space.

Hisoka looked up. His eyes looked glassy, but still intelligent. As if processing the situation before him. Terazuma and Watari now noticed the thick red ribbon tied around Hisoka's neck. A heavy card tied to one loose end with elegant handwriting on the cover. Watari reached over and untied the card. But before he could read it Hisoka spoke.

"Tsuzuki?" He asked meekly, as if asking where he was. His voice sounded so hesitant and docile. Nothing like the reserved yet aggressive voice of before. Terazuma furrowed his brows.

Tsuzuki having heard his partner's hesitant request pushed passed Tatsumi and descended the stairs to stand before him. When Hisoka looked from Watari to Tsuzuki recognition dawned on the empath and he flung himself at his partner. Tears spilling from his eyes.

"Tsuzuki Sama!" Tsuzuki was shocked at the honor but firmly held Hisoka back. The boy was shaking like a leaf. Tsuzuki looked worriedly over his head to Watari. Who still held the card.

"I have tests to run. Lets take him to the infirmary." Watari urged.

Tsuzuki not wanting to part even a little with his partner picked him up. The boy instantly wrapped his arms around Tsuzuki's neck, obviously not wanting to let go. The two walked past the rest of the department. All with worried looks on their faces.

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After a blood test, Watari declared Hisoka to be: Human, blood type AB, a 16year old male (bodily), and Hisoka.

Another weight seemed to lift off the entire group.

"There's a card here Tsuzuki, shall I read it?" Watari waved the offending piece of paper in the air.

"Yes." He still held Hisoka's hand tightly.

"Dear Tsuzuki,

I have returned your partner as promised; you will find him in perfect physical shape. I would hope this gift to you is evidence of my affections. I will win you over yet, Tsuzuki dear.

I hope that what I have taught Bouya will be put to good use. Please think of me whenever he appeases you.

Sincerely,

Muraki"

Tsuzuki spun towards Hisoka.

"Hisoka what did he do?" Worry written clearly over his face. Hisoka blinked up at Tsuzuki and smiled.

"Muraki Sensei fixed me. You should thank him, now I am able to give you what you want." The room seemed to go icy, and a shudder ran over all who were in side.

"Ok well we will let you talk this out. Terazuma, Wakaba, Yuma and Saya, please return to your homes, you can visit tomorrow." Chief Konoe ushered out the employees before turning back to Tatsumi.

"I want a full report as soon as you are finished here." Tatsumi nodded.

Only Tatsumi, Watari, Tsuzuki and Hisoka where left. Hisoka was the first to break the silence.

"Don't worry so much Tsuzuki Sama." He smiled warmly and held the older man's hand.

"Hisoka, don't call me that! Just Tsuzuki alright?" Tsuzuki asked perturbed.

"Alright!" Hisoka said brightly. Another awkward pause.

"Ok. I want to run another test. He walked over to his desk and retrieved the rape kit that he had readied. Knowing he would have to use it upon Hisoka's arrival.

"If you two don't mind, I'm going to use the curtain for some privacy so Tsuzuki if you could take a seat over there next to Tatsumi."

"Alright" Tsuzuki, with some difficulty extracted his hand from Hisoka's, who, at the break in contact whimpered, reaching out to Tsuzuki.

"It'll be fine. I'll be right over there." Tsuzuki patted Hisoka's knee.

Watari pulled the curtain out and obstructed Hisoka's view from Tsuzuki, ensuring that Hisoka let out another whimper.

"Ok Bon, I know this is tough but I am just going to check down there." Hisoka Squirmed.

"Just lie back ok?" Watari was trying to be as soothing as he could, but he could sense the mounting tension radiating off the kid. Hisoka hesitantly laid back but as soon as Watari reached for the sash Hisoka bolted up.

"No no no. You don't get to touch me! Only Tsuzuki Sama. Only Muraki sensei! Get away!" Hisoka planted his foot on Watari's chest and pushed him back. He stumbled into Tatsumi's arms as he and Tsuzuki had rose when they heard Hisoka's words. Hisoka had backed up until he saw Tsuzuki and lunged himself into his arms.

"No Tsuzuki, don't let him touch me. Please!" The boy was trembling. Tsuzuki looked over Hisoka's head at Watari and Tatsumi. Watari looked on the verge of tears and Tatsumi was just standing there in shock. Nothing but Hisoka's soft whimpering filled the room.

Tsuzuki carried him back to the bed.

"Hisoka we just have to check to see that you aren't injured." Watari said slowly getting closer again with the kit.

"no NOO!" Hisoka screamed and started throwing a tantrum once again kicking Watari this time on the side of the face.

"Hisoka! STOP!" Tsuzuki yelled. As soon as the words left his mouth Hisoka lay limp. Eyes gazing serenely up at Tsuzuki, as if he hadn't just had a fit.

This took Tsuzuki aback. Watari quickly called Tatsumi and Tsuzuki over to one side of the room, out of earshot.

"Tsuzuki I want to try a little experiment. I need you to ask him to do something. And then I need you to ask him to do something that he wouldn't normally do. All right?

"Wa..Watari?"

"Just trust me ok?" They made there way back to Hisoka.

"Hisoka could you hand me that clipboard over there?" The three men held their collective breaths. Hisoka would normally say something like 'screw you! You go get it. You're standing.' But this one merrily bounded from the bed and retrieved the clipboard, handing it over to Tsuzuki. It was innocent enough.

"Ok Hisoka. Now can you sing twinkle twinkle?" Hisoka hated singing. Especially in front of anyone. Hisoka warily looked at Tatsumi and Watari. But broke out into song nonetheless.

"Ok Hisoka you can stop." Tsuzuki clenched his fists.

"Hisoka can you sing Mary had a little lamb." Watari ventured. Hisoka glanced at Tsuzuki but his face was emotionless.

"Anou… does Tsuzuki want me to sing it?" Hisoka fidgeted gazing at Tsuzuki.

"I don't care." Tsuzuki braced himself.

"Then No. I don't want to sing Mary had a little lamb." He then proceeded to scoff. A little of his old self, shining through. Hope flooded Tsuzuki. Hisoka shot his head back around to Tsuzuki and grinned.

"I hate Mary had a little lamb!" Then he giggled. Watching for Tsuzuki's reaction. But Tsuzuki just frowned. Which in turn caused Hisoka to frown.

"Alright, alright. Hisoka if you would please return to the bed. I need to talk to Watari and Tsuzuki in the hallway." They followed the secretary out.

"What just happened in there?" Tsuzuki asked his voice raising an octave in worry.

"It appears that he has been wired to obey you and only you." Watari offered. Tsuzuki clenched his teeth.

"Not only that but he is gauging your emotions to see how you react to everything, so that he can make you happy."

"How…" Tsuzuki shook his head squeezing his eyes tight. And running a hand through his hair. "I had my shields up all the way in there."

"Regardless he still read you." Tatsumi folded his arms.

"Well Tsuzuki I know you wont like this but I need to run that test. If you told him to cooperate with me, he might let me finish."

"What test?" Tsuzuki asked. Tatsumi shot Watari a knowing glance.

"Tsuzuki… It's a rape kit. I need to look down there." Tsuzuki looked down, anger surged in him.

"Alright" They entered the room, all the while they approached, and Hisoka was giving Watari a dirty look.

"What's the matter Hisoka?" Watari asked.

"You made master mad." Immediately after Hisoka realized what he said, and as soon as the use of the suffix upset Tsuzuki, Hisoka ducked his head. "Sorry Tsuzuki." He offered sadly."

"It.. It's fine. But Watari didn't make me mad. Muraki did." Hisoka's eyes widened.

"Oh you shouldn't be mad at Muraki sensei! He loves you very very much. He made me better so I could please you! He is the reason I am here at all!" Hisoka looked on the verge of tears. Tsuzuki tensed but tried to make himself calm down.

"Enough of that. Hisoka I need you to let Watari run his tests. Please listen to Watari and do as he asks." At this a few tears did spill over from Hisoka's eyes.

"Alright" he said weakly. Watari sighed and retrieved the kit. And then closed the curtain.

Tsuzuki leant forward in his chair and buried his face in his hands. What had Muraki done?


	2. Chapter 2

This chapter may be confusing, rest assured that I despise Muraki. I wish him nothing but bullheaded vipers and brown recluse spiders in his bed (but he is still HAWT!). And yes a doctor can tell from looking down there if the sex was mutual or not.

Shout outs to my reviewers. Thanks guys the first seven reviews are what made me write chapter three and four.

Kaouri18: yes, if there was nothing wrong with Hisoka, then I'd be worried. Apocalypse worried.

Demonyo: thanks XD

Laustic: I'm very happy to get that from you. Very honored!

Yaoi hunter:**blushes: ** thank you so much! That comment went strait to my head and was practically responsible for chapter three! As for the lovey dovey hunt, I am going to have some lovely bits here and there but :shakes in fear: I've never actually written a sex scene. Lawd knows I've read enough of them I'm hoping that this one will turn out well. Well not in this chapter… in coming chapters :sweat drop:

Fra:pumps fist in air: I am so glad that you found this a little scary. I was worried that people might think it was just ALL angst all the time… which it pretty much is but I wanted to have some scary in there too!

Amanda: thanks!

SilenceinLight: Weeeeee! Thank you so much:Fan's oversized head: And yes to what you hoped for but that is gonna be much later I think. This story has a mind of it's own and even though I've got the outline right here. Certain parts just want to be written. o0 Also thought you should know that chapter 4 is thanks to you. I was all happy when I read your comment and then I wrote one of my fave chapters!

I am Zombie, Reviews brains Give me BRAINS!

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Watari had given Hisoka a sedative so they could work with what they knew so far and not have to worry about Hisoka moving about.

Tatsumi wouldn't tell anyone but he also placed a shadow bind on the boy so that he wouldn't be able to leave the infirmary. They were still cautious and realizing this was Muraki's handiwork, they had every right to be.

"So he brain washed him?" Konoe sat at his desk. They were there very late but these were special circumstances.

"That certainly is one of the possibilities. Believe it or not I still have some tests I want to run." Watari sipped his chamomile tea in dire need of its soothing qualities. His eyes wandered back to where Tsuzuki was sitting in silence. The poor man was hunched over the coffee table his tea before him cold and forgotten.

"Are you alright Tsuzuki?" The violet-eyed man looked up. His eyes spoke volumes, he nodded.

"Yeah… I'm just disappointed Hisoka has to go through this shit again. Muraki…" he paused and clenched his fist. "Why did Hisoka have to get dragged into this again, it's not him Muraki wants."

"Tsuzuki, Muraki is trying to get you upset. He knows how easy it is and he is probably hoping you will go to him so that Hisoka will remain unharmed." Watari offered setting down his quickly cooling cup. Tatsumi shook his head.

"I don't think so Watari… while this may be one of his motives. The fact that Hisoka is relatively unharmed provides a worthy clue. You said it yourself, there were signs of intercourse not rape. I think Muraki thinks that he has given Tsuzuki a gift. Like a box of chocolates, or a bouquet. The man is just too complex."

"What I want to know is how do we fix this? How are you thinking of handling this?" Konoe asked looking up from the coffee he had just refilled.

"Well hopefully after I run some more tests we will have some answers. The way I see it there are three possibilities Hisoka was brain washed, Hisoka is hypnotized or Hisoka is possessed."

"That's all?" Tsuzuki asked sarcastically.

"Tsuzuki why don't you go home and get some rest? Have you slept at all since he went missing?"

"I know, I will. But I'm not going home. I just can't bring myself to leave his side right now. I'll stay in the infirmary."

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Hisoka could feel Tsuzuki in the bed next to him. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him. Hold the beautiful shinigami in his arms and breath in that wonderful chocolaty scent. But more than anything, he wanted to be held. He missed Muraki. But only because he missed being shown physical affection. Even if it was meaningless and shallow.

He longed to curl up next to his new master, but his arms were sluggish and he was so tired. Yet he couldn't sleep.

The last words He had shared with Muraki drifted into his brain.

He and Muraki were sitting in the fragrant garden filled with roses. It was bright out and Hisoka was excited to return to Tsuzuki but at the same time extremely frightened. Muraki had dressed him in the silver white kimono with care. Lovingly pulling his arms through the sleeves and straitening the fabric.

He sat now on Muraki's lap while the silver man brushed a shine onto his blonde locks.

Hisoka's eyes were puffy from crying, he held the cold damp wash-clothe Muraki had provided to ease the puffiness. Muraki said that he wanted his gift in perfect order.

Muraki had admitted that Tsuzuki would not care for his heart as Muraki had. The words ran over and over in his head.

He can't love you, he cares for you but it's not love. 'He wants to but it's impossible to love something so used and worn.' Another tear slid down Hisoka's cheek.

"You will belong to Tsuzuki now. However, you will always deep down belong to me. And when the day comes that Tsuzuki will discard you, and he will my pet. I will be there. To pick up the pieces. You are and will always remain my property, its just you are on loan to Tsuzuki." He turned the boy to face him. Hisoka broughtthe back of his hand up to his eyes as tears began to well again.

"You are so beautiful when you cry."

"Thank you Muraki Sama."

"Now listen to me. He doesn't hate you; he is just shy, and noble. So if you remember what I taught you with your empathy and be forward with him you will be able to make him happy. And if he is happy he won't discard you. I want to give this chance to you, you are my doll and deserving." Muraki set down the brush.

Hisoka 's tears slipped down his face. Muraki saw this and held his doll closer, crooning softly into his ear.

"You know my feelings for Tsuzuki, he can not return them because he has forgotten what love is. That's why I need you to remind him what love is. He can never truly love you but your love for him will be example enough. And when he is ready for me, and he discards you, you can both return to me. You know you may not be of much use to me but I will care for you as long as I can." Hisoka wrapped his arms around Muraki's neck.

"Thank you master." He sniffled into Muraki's shoulder. "I hope I will make you proud." Muraki's face twisted into an evil grin over the boy's shoulder.

Hisoka had realized, Muraki had shown him what love was. He had never understood that, on that night so many years ago he was trying to show Hisoka then under that sakura tree. And when he placed that curse on him so that he would die. He was only trying to help.

He knew I had to escape from my parents and that was the only way to get me out of that house. He had said.

When my parents would not relinquish their hold over me, he had to let me die, because he knew I would rather die than go back to there.

Why hadn't I ever seen it? Muraki was the first one to truly love me. Tsuzuki did too but his was a different kind of love not like the passionate kind Muraki had once had for Hisoka.

Hisoka had blown his chance with Muraki when he denied the man the first few weeks of being a shinigami.

And then Tsuzuki had caught Muraki's eye, once he thought me a lost cause. Now he was in that passionate love with Tsuzuki and Hisoka was no longer needed… or wanted. Muraki still loved his doll, but not in the way that he once had. Not since now he had been broken. Some parts Muraki was unable to fix.

Hisoka had failed him. He had never known how much he owed the man until now. The thought of hurting him as Hisoka had, made the doll want to cry.

But Hisoka found love in Tsuzuki. He didn't understand why. And maybe it wasn't love per se, as he could never show it like Muraki. But there was a fierce blaze in Hisoka's heart and it was fueled by Tsuzuki, having lost Muraki's love he had decided that he would not give up on Tsuzuki, He would not abandon him as he had done Muraki.

Renewed with the memories of his determination, Hisoka's energy seemed to return to him. Finally Hisoka made it across the room to the other bed.

'Be forward with him, and you will be able to make him happy.'

He knew what Muraki had meant, and Hisoka had every intention of following through. Muraki may be his home but he loved Tsuzuki and wanted nothing more than for him to be happy. He reached the bed and lifted the comforter, slowly settling in beside his partner.

Hisoka knew that Tsuzuki was a very heavy sleeper, but that could work to his benefit. He ran his hand over the smooth abdomen, surprisingly fit for a man who ate so many sweets.

When he felt a pert nipple, he teased it until Tsuzuki shifted and his breathing became a little ragged.

Slowly he dragged his hand down, further and further to the waste band of his pajama pants and then the boxers.

Hisoka's own heart raced as he felt the trail that led to his goal. When he finally reached it he placed feather light touches over its velvet. He was surprised to find it bigger than Muraki's.

Slowly he began to bring it to life. His delicate hands ran over the smooth flesh. Holding it lightly in his palm, knuckles glancing over Tsuzuki's scrotum. One pump of his wrist and a loud earthy moan erupted from Tsuzuki's chest. Hisoka's own breathing sped up at the sheer excitement.

He knew that Tsuzuki was dreaming as his eyes darted back and forth under their lids. So Hisoka grew a little more daring and pumped it normally, the way he would himself if he were getting off in the shower. The word that erupted from the man's throat made Hisoka want to jump for joy.

"His…Oh… ka" the breathy name gave him hope that Muraki was wrong and that Tsuzuki could indeed love him.

He grasped a little harder and pumped again. This time however Tsuzuki's eyes shot open. He looked about wildly until he saw Hisoka on his side laying against him Hisoka's hand pushed past his pants line. He looked dazedly down at him, then it dawned what exactly was going on and he shot out of bed.

All Hisoka could sense was fear. ' Why was he afraid of me? '

"Hisoka! What the hell do you think you are doing?" Tsuzuki walked over and switched on the lights. Never taking his eyes off the boy.

"I just… I just wanted to make you happy?"

"How do you think that THAT would make me happy?" Tsuzuki asked incredulously. He watched as the boy looked down and hugged his knees to himself. He began softly crying.

"Because of what you were dreaming" Hisoka cried out softly. Tsuzuki gasped, he had been dreaming of Hisoka hadn't he. And it was a rather intimate dream. Tsuzuki's cheeks flushed, but then he shook himself out of it. He slowly made his way back to the now weeping boy.

"Hisoka, don't cry. It's ok, It's just don't do that again." Hisoka looked up at that with troubled eyes. The hospital gown hanging loosely off his shoulder he was a beautiful sight.

Tsuzuki wanted nothing more than to give the boy what he wished. But he doubted highly that this was truly what he wished for.

"But why?"

"Why.. huh?"

"You liked it right?" Hisoka asked warily.

"Hisoka… It is not your choice to do these things. It is because Muraki some how got you to do them."

"THAT'S NOT TRUE" Hisoka shouted clasping his hands to his ears and shaking his head. Tsuzuki went and sat beside Hisoka.

"You know I care about you right?" The teary eyed Hisoka nodded. "So then let's wait to decide if we want to press a relationship further after we get this all sorted out. After we get you back to normal."

"But no! I am fixed now. I was broken before. I was afraid of your touch, of anyone's touch. And the thought of loving someone physically made me ill. Muraki fixed that he took my fear away." Tsuzuki grabbed his wrist.

"No Hisoka. He was the one to give you that fear and he was the one to do nothing more than put a dirty band-aid on it. He never fixed it, he only made it feel a little better so that more harm could be inflicted." Tsuzuki shook his head at how much their roles had changed. It was usually Hisoka who was level headed and Tsuzuki hoping for emotional validation. He felt ashamed at the thought.

Hisoka watched Tsuzuki holding his wrist. His tone, his voice changed.

"I know. I know that it's not… not really fixed. But isn't this better? I know you want at least some part of me. I've known it since the night I passed out in your bed from too much sake. And now… I'm not afraid to give it to you. I so wanted to give in to you but… I just…couldn't. And when you see... When you finally see who… what I am…" Hisoka let out a shaky sigh. Stopping himself from that line of thought.

"Now I can give you what you want. If only you would let me." Hisoka's tear stained face lifted to gaze at Tsuzuki. He was taken aback.

"No Hisoka, Its true I have feelings for you but acting on them now would only bring you pain. I don't think you understand love right now. Infact I'm not sure you ever did. Let's just wait alright?" Hisoka's eyes let loose a few more tears as he stood to return to his bed. But Tsuzuki's hold on his wrist wouldn't give. Instead Tsuzuki pulled him back into a warm embrace.

Tsuzuki gathered up Hisoka in his arms and lap and just held him, Tsuzuki's back against the headboard. Realizing that this was what the boy wanted. Needed.

Soon he could feel the tell tale breaths of sleep from his partner.

He knew now that this department alone could not handle this matter anymore. He would have to call in the Calvary. I hope Watari will forgive me.


	3. Chapter 3

I will introduce some original characters here but don't worry they are supporting characters. Just a means to an end.

PLEASE REVIEW? I'm stuck and when that happens the only thing that helps me carry on are the reviewers. I am not kidding! I am an emotionally dependent person, not to mention an Aquarius and O+ so I NEED positive reinforcement!

And to lovely Kaouri18, Kumachannanoda and Laustic thank you so much! I'm going for a REALLY evil Muraki here so if you think that conversation was mean, just you wait! Mwahahaha. :kicks Muraki:

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Tatsumi was a step ahead of Tsuzuki it seems as when he awoke the next morning, the office was buzzing He spotted a Bright red mop of hair darting about and recognized him as some one from internal.

There were other's there as well that Tsuzuki didn't recognize, later he discovered they were temps as the whole department had gone into a busy period, right when they least needed it.

He and Hisoka now sat in the infirmary. Hisoka curled up by the window holding a book. Back in his normal jeans and t-shirt. Tsuzuki shook the thought of how Hisoka looked to be back to his old self.

He was anything but back to normal. The entire morning he refused to leave Tsuzuki's side. Patiently standing by the door while the other showered and changed. Watching his partner follow him around helplessly made him want to cry and several times he just stopped walking and embraced him.

Tatsumi walked in with a tall shaggy, black, haired man. He was thin and dressed in a well fitting pinstripe suit. His face oval with almond eyes, yet despite that he looked very masculine with a light peppering of a five o'clock shadow on his face.

"Tsuzuki Hisoka, I would like you to meet Zan Demarco, He works with Internal and I asked him here to speak with Hisoka. Zan, this is Tsuzuki Asato, and Hisoka Kurosaki" Hisoka looked up warily. Tsuzuki noticed the worried glance that Hisoka sent the stranger's way.

"Nice to meet you." Zan smiled warmly at the two.

"Hajimashite." Tsuzuki and Hisoka said simultaneously.

"Zan san is here because of his abilities. He has agreed to work with Hisoka"

"I also possess empathic qualities." He smiled at Hisoka kindly, but the youngster merely curled his legs up tighter to himself.

"Not to mention I was a Psychologist when I was alive. I would just like to ask Hisoka san a few questions, please."

"Tsuzuki?" Hisoka asked the man warily he drew closer and said in a low tone. "I can't read his emotions." Tatsumi heard and offered an explanation

"Hisoka, Zan san is a practiced Empath, he studied under a very well known Psychologist and empath in Germany, so he has exquisite skill at raising his shields." Zan smiled and scratched the back of his head. Simultaneously lowering his shields a fracture, just enough to ease some of Hisoka's suspicion.

"Sorry about that Hisoka san."

"Tsuzuki if you will follow me." Tatsumi motioned. Hisoka stood as Tsuzuki stood to leave. Fear evident on his face.

"It's ok Hisoka just stay here and talk to Zan, he is going to help you." Hisoka warily looked between Tsuzuki and Zan.

"Ok." He said weakly. Tsuzuki and Tatsumi left the room.

"He will be alright in there?" Tsuzuki asked.

"Yes, of course. You may remember Zan and how professional he is. Not to mention what he has done for this department in the past."

"I vaguely remember him… he was here for the Mt. Aso incident right?" Tatsumi nodded. "I never knew that about Zan's sensei. You said he was from Germany? It wasn't Joseph wasn't it?"

"It was indeed." They walked the corridor in silence. Joseph York Helped Tsuzuki when He first became a shinigami. He remembered the old fart fondly. He had heard that the old man was still "alive" and kicking but he had just been too busy to visit, it had been nearly one hundred years since he visited last. But they did correspond through letters. They were after all, both busy men.

"I'm glad then."

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Watari walked down the hall with a brisk pace. He needed sustenance. His performance was slipping. It also might have been why he didn't see the violent red head turn the corner just in time to nearly knock him off his feet. Watari looked up, The man was average height but his looks were anything but average with his bright red hair, wide grin and impish features he wore a plain white dress shirt with brown slacks and suspenders, the shirt looked old and worn, but not dirty. Kyo Sato

"Well if it isn't the insolent brat. Blown up any buildings lately?" He didn't seem to mean the harsh statement however. His mind was obviously elsewhere.

"Yes, now if you will excuse me." Watari snapped as he walked passed not sparing a second glance. Nonetheless they left in their wake a buzz in the atmosphere, as if electrically charged. Terazuma and Wakaba witnessed the entire conflict from behind their cubical wall.

"What was that all about?" Wakaba asked awed at the change in behavior Watari had displayed.

"They go way back. Sato san is internal division yeah? So anyway Watari was… seeing this guy, Jem, way back when he first started here, you know early 80's? Yeah way back." He added sarcastically. Wakaba giggled. But then she stopped when she saw Terazuma's eyes cloud over with memories

"But the old coot kinda went crazy. You know how you can stay in this business a long long time right?" Wakaba nodded. " And with what you can see, and how long you deal with the kind of shit we do, if you can't cope, you could go a little… nuts."

"So Sato San was the one to put Jem 'down'… He sent him over to the other side. It's not really Sato's fault and Watari knows that but… It doesn't prevent the fact that, Sato san is the man responsible for taking Watari's love away. Plus they just don't get along." Wakaba clasped her hands over her mouth.

"Oh that is so sad!" She exclaimed. "Poor Watari" she said watching the Genki Scientist's retreating back. Then she paused in thought. "Is that why internal Division is here? Because Hisoka…" she didn't finish. Too afraid to think on it.

"No. Well it is a possibility I suppose if they can't fix it or he tries to harm himself or others but I doubt it. These guys are really good at what they do, bunch of shrinks the lot of them but... Don't worry Wakaba. I'm sure they will get Hisoka back good as new."

"I hope so."

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Watari plopped himself onto the break room couch and let out a loud and annoyed sigh. So far he hadn't found any leads with Hisoka and the rest of the department was knocking down his door, not to mention since Tsuzuki and Hisoka were out of commission and the rest of the staff weren't at their best due to the turmoil, the chief brought in a few temps. And none of them knew a damn thing.

Zan had shown up which was a great thing for Hisoka, but a very bad thing for Watari's memories. Zan was a great friend. But he brought with him some unsettling thoughts.

To top it all off, his mortal enemy had shown up with that smug look on his face.

Sato Kyo of the Internal division was wandering around, his bright red hair blazing. Acting like he owned the place. They sneered at each other every time they happened to glance up and see one another. When he couldn't take it anymore and made his way to the break room for provisions and much needed coffee, he was nearly knocked off his feet by the bastard.

It left in his mind a wake of bitter memories. He remembered Jem's final hours. Between trying to blow up that small town and laughing manically, Sato, Watari and Zan had all tried the last resort. Zan was going to make Jem an emotional zombie by dividing his rational emotions between themselves. Hopefully they would be able to deal with his turmoil and Get Jem restrained before he could do any irreparable damage. 

Watari insisted in carrying most of the burden, it was his lover after all. He could remember just wanting to die, for no feasible reason; it was the lowest he had ever felt. And if that was what Jem was being put through he didn't think he could make the man suffer such anymore.

Watari sat there quietly contemplating his past, waiting for the coffee to finish brewing when he shot out of his seat.

"THAT'S IT!" He darted out of the room so fast he was nothing more that a blurry lab coat and strawberry blond locks.

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"Is Hisoka in there?" Asked the out of breath scientist to Tsuzuki and Tatsumi as they sat in the adjoining room to the infirmary. Tea and three empty boxes of mint thins at hand.

"Yes but Zan san is with him at the moment."

"Well this is important. Very important I have a test I want to run. It could determine Hisoka's entire future." Tsuzuki rose from his seat.

"What do you mean?" some of Watari's excitement rubbing off on him.

"Just please let me run the damn tests?" Watari begged.

"Alright but knock" but before he even got to the door, Zan swung it open.

"Don't bother, Hisoka and I could pick up Watari's emotions half way across the building, what is up?" Zan asked. Hisoka stood behind Zan trying to make himself as small as possible.

"I have a hypothesis and need to test it out. Tsuzuki follow me." Watari walked past Zan, giving the man a friendly nod. When Tsuzuki entered, Hisoka stood closely. Seeking a shield from the vibrant emotions Watari was emitting.

"We all agree that Hisoka's empathy seems to have become more powerful right? Well at least with Tsuzuki." He amended

"Yes." They chorused.

"All right Tsuzuki kiss Hisoka."

"Wha.. WHAT?"

"Just kiss him already!" Watari was watching the two as he set down a box no one noticed that he had been carrying.

"Watari I hardly think –" Tatsumi folded his arms.

"Quiet Tatsumi, I'm almost positive I am right. Now Tsuzuki please?"

Tsuzuki looked at the occupants of the room then down to Hisoka who looked fearful, and hopeful at the same time.

"Hisoka, is that ok?"

"Only if you want to."

"JUST KISS HIM!" Tsuzuki stepped forward and lent down to place a chaste yet loving kiss on Hisoka. They parted a little dazed but nothing seemed out of place.

"Ok, Hisoka Take off your shirt."

"WATARI" the entire room seemed to shout except for an obedient Hisoka who gingerly lifted his shirt off.

The room gasped.

"What in the hell…"Zan muttered looking appalled at the angry red marks that criss-crossed over Hisoka's skin.

"I'll explain later" Tatsumi stepped closer, feeling especially protective of the boy.

"Watari… those weren't visible last night were they?" Tsuzuki shakily asked

"No." He paused. "Just wait a moment for them to fade." They stood around in awkward pause. Hisoka held his arm in bashful silence staring at the floor. Soon the marks began to fade. They waited a moment more and then looked to Watari.

"Alright Tsuzuki give Hisoka a hug." Tsuzuki pulled Hisoka into an embrace and suddenly the marks flared to life.

"What the…" Zan remarked.

"As I suspected." He led Hisoka to a chair and proceeded to draw some blood

"I don't really know how I got to this conclusion. Well that's not entirely true…I know how I got there but I just didn't… ok I am rambling. This may be easier to fix than originally thought."

"Watari you are not helping." Tatsumi stated flatly.

"Well If I'm right then it seems that Muraki has transferred at least part of his curse ownership to Tsuzuki." Jaws dropped. Crickets chirped.

"Does that mean… what does that mean?" Tsuzuki squeaked.

"Hold on" Watari sat Tsuzuki down and drew blood from him as well. He withdrew a silver plate with odd symbols etched into it out from the box he had been carrying. Then dripped some of Hisoka's blood onto the plate and then Tsuzuki's.

"So.. So wait. Does this mean we can reverse the curse?" Tsuzuki asked hopefully.

The blood on the plate began to smolder and the stench lifted into the air.

"Possibly. And yes. Muraki has relinquished some of his hold over Hisoka to Tsuzuki. But this kind of curse… I've never seen anything like it." He tore his eyes away from the plate and rested his back against the desk, folding his arms in contemplation. "There are many layers to it, like an onion."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that while we may be able to break some of the curse I doubt we could break it all."

"Who cares? If at least we can get rid of some of it, we should." Tsuzuki demanded. Hisoka tugged on Tsuzuki's sleeve. All eyes turned to him.

"Tsuzuki. This is a gift from Muraki sensei." Tears brimming in his eyes, threatening to fall. "Please. Just not yet. I don't want to go back just yet."

"Go back? What do you mean Hisoka?" Tsuzuki asked concern evident in his voice.

"Muraki said that once you discarded me, he would come to pick up the pieces but I don't love him. Not the way I do you." Tatsumi pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. And Watari was torn between giggling at Hisoka's inadvertent confession of love or cry at the Sheer sorrow of it all. Zan being the new player in this drama could do nothing but smile sadly.

"Hisoka, you will never return to that man. I won't let you. You belong to you and no one else." Tsuzuki comforted, rubbing his shoulder, and turning back to Watari.

"No one else." Hisoka repeated in a whisper that no one heard save the empathic psychiatrist and the shadow secretary. Hisoka's spirits fell.

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The next few hours Hisoka sat watching near the window as Watari and Every one prepared for the exorcism. He hugged his knees to his chest and when approached by Zan and Tatsumi about his earlier comment he seemed to have withdrawn into himself, retreating into his mind.

"He must have used this technique recently, withdrawing into his mind. It's not exactly easy to do." Zan offered.

Tatsumi looked at Zan who nodded and closed his eyes. Probing Hisoka's mind. He noticed that most everything in the kid's mind was locked up. Even the malleable part that should have at least been filled with the warmth of ignorance was kept cold and tighter than a steel drum.

_He called out Hisoka's name, no answer but a beacon began to shine, when Zan approached it he saw the younger than himself Hisoka curled up in the corner surrounded on nearly all sides by overpowering cold brick and earth walls._

_And the glass, Mirrors hung every where, Zan new what this meant metaphorically, some of the mirrors where old and tarnished and some where shiny and new, the kid had been hiding behind smoke and mirrors his whole life. What did he find so terrifying about himself that he had to hide it from every one?_

_A smirk tugged on his lips at the memory of his teacher Joseph talking about Tsuzuki and thought how similar Hisoka and Tsuzuki were._

_He had seen some disarray in minds before but this place was filled with dark and melancholy that he couldn't even fathom being a part of._

_When he looked down at the boy he was puzzled to find that the child had no left hand. A thick, leather Collar that went from breastbone to chin was tightly around his neck and his mouth was missing as if he had not been born with one. _

_He knelt before him and took the child by the shoulders to look more closely and saw that his eyes had been sewn shut. Blood streamed down his face as if they were tears. He cried out in fear for the boy._

"_Oh Hisoka." He silently gasped, and brought the child into his arms holding him. Offering as much comfort as he could, the child recognized the offered comfort and not caring whom this was, latched on to Zan and held him back fiercely. Zan new that if he could the child would be crying right now. _

_He realized that it was not as he thought. This wasn't some new personality created by the infamous doctor. This was the true Hisoka. It was just that he had been sectioned off from select emotions and memories. And now he was a broken puzzle of a man. Pieces missing everywhere. _

_When he saw the roots in the earth beneath him and the glow of a red moon in the distance he realized that Muraki must have been working on this mind for years._

"_Hisoka? What happened to you? Did Muraki do this?" No answer. " Why have you retreated here?" He prodded, knowing the answers but needing it anyway._

"_I'm. Scared.." The boy communicated with his mind._

"_Of what?" He began stroking the flaxen hair._

"_Tsuzuki is going to throw me away too."_

"_Why would you say that?"_

"_Because no one can really love me. I'm lucky Muraki thought I was pretty enough to take pity on. But once the exorcism happens I won't have Muraki's spell to keep me from being the monster I really am!"_

_Zan shook the kid's shoulders _

"_I don't know you that well but I do know Watari, Tatsumi and Tsuzuki. They do love you. And I know that they could never love a monster. You are not a monster Hisoka."_

"_You don't know, deep down I am. I'm despicable. I just haven't shown my true self."_

"_Have faith in them little one. They will not betray you. Is it better to live this lie? Is it better to not be free?"_

"_I... don't know. I have never been… Free. To me freedom is… death." Zan's heart cried out._

"_Well we are going to change that. These people want nothing but your happiness. You just need to come out of this shell." Zan prepared himself, he would get Hisoka out of here if he had to drag him kicking and screaming._

"_I can't" Hisoka noticed the change in atmosphere and stood to retreat into his mind. Zan held firm to his shoulders._

"_Shhh, it's all right now Hisoka. Everything is going to be ok." Zan focused his energy on pushing Hisoka's consciousness into the light that appeared behind them. But Hisoka struggled. And once Zan started to show more force, the shit hit the fan._

_A storm seemed to whip up in Hisoka's mind. Zan was amazed at the unused power and potential that began to show itself._

Before he knew it he was forcibly shoved out of Hisoka's mind. He found him self on his ass in front of Hisoka, back in the world of the conscious. The rest of the room staring at the man as tears streamed down the new comer's face.

He realized he was crying and wiped the tears away forcefully. He stood and looked down at the still withdrawn boy. Letting out a shaky sigh.

"I'm afraid this wont be as easy as you thought Watari." He relinquished, before turning to the door and walking out of the room to get some fresh air.

The rest of the men stood around staring after him. Except Tsuzuki who wouldn't take his eyes off of Hisoka.

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Am I going too fast? I think I am… some one please give me some constructive criticism. I'm worried no one will like my original characters too. I mean in one chapter you meet Zan and already he visits Hisoka's mind. I should slow down right?

Its just I have all these ideas and It keeps pouring out, but I need positive reinforcement to continue soo Arrg. :ends Watari rant here:


	4. Chapter 4

Wow Thanks for the motivation from all my reviewers,

ShinigamixGirl: I hope that My writing isn't too confusing but take into account that there are lots of things yet to be explained, and I am sure even more questions will be raised with the coming chapters:Kicks my copy of Muraki: yeah I know, he's such a little shit. :Laughs as my copy of Muraki starts crying.:

Kumachannanoda: I know, it's pretty sad when your own story makes you depressed huh?

Laustic: I really hope so too! But we ALL know how stubborn Hisoka can be!

Kaouri18: OK thank you SOOO much I really needed to hear that I wasn't heading towards disaster with breakneck speed. And I am also VERY happy that you like Zan. You are right it is his job! I kept thinking of that one Jennifer Lopez movie where she goes into the dreams? What is that called; well anyway I wanted to have a twisted dream world like that. Only not as detailed, if that makes any sense

Fra: I need to take a deep breath and slow down with the details, I know. And fourth chapter, here you go, get it while it's hot!

Silenceinlight:Giggles: I had totally forgotten about that! Holy unintentional Shrek reference Batman! I am so glad that this Hisoka's mind frame makes sense to some one other than me! I was worried of how I would translate that onto paper…err… you know what I mean. I always figured that if Hisoka didn't have as much pride, he might crave some attention, as he never got it as a child. And I have always thought about that dynamic of how easy Muraki would be able to manipulate Hisoka with the amount of emotional scars he would undoubtedly have. The thought that Hisoka might think of death as an escape, and then Muraki granting that wish only to drag it out over three long years would have been torture. I'm so happy you liked that bit! However as fun as inhibition less Hisoka is to write, there isn't much more of him. Gomen! But I hope you like what I have written instead!

Yaoi-hunter: Do not worry! I will not abandon this fic!!! I am neck deep right now in outline, my desk is a mess from all the ideas so I won't be letting this fade into nothingness. And as tempting as it is to please the reviewers, I just can't. I'm too lazy and have too much already written ahead of when I post. I guarantee that there will be smut in this fic:Places hand on heart: It's just not here yet. I don't think Hisoka is ready. Especially not since he has just come back from Muraki's. Rest assured it will be there! Eventually. So STUDY HARD! RA RA RA SISS BOOM BA! And I will eagerly look forward to your return

AN: It just occurred to me that I never put a disclaimer on this thing… So please don't sue me. I do not own Yami No Matsuei, I do not own Tsuzuki and Hisoka or even Muraki. I just pretend.

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They decided to put the "Exorcism" on hold until Zan was calm enough to explain what had happened. Zan returned 10 minutes later looking a little better.

When Zan entered the room, Hisoka's eyes that had previously been shut, shot open. He began to struggle but Tatsumi and Watari, eager to get the whole ordeal over with, had bound him to the bed for the exorcism.

"Hisoka can you hear me?" Tsuzuki grasped his hand and held tightly.

"He's not home Tsuzuki." Zan sat down and even though he looked better than he did when he left with his tie all astray and his breathing short and hurried. He still looked a mess now.

His eyes were puffy. Tsuzuki wondered how they could do it, Hisoka and Zan: feeling some one else's pain and being able to do nothing about it.

Tatsumi went to the smaller man.

"Zan… Can I ask what you saw? What has you so upset?" Tatsumi asked on behalf of the rest of them.

"Well… I hadn't known Hisoka before he was like this, so I really had nothing to gauge from, I thought, with what you had all told me, that Hisoka was being kept prisoner in his own mind while another personality that Muraki had made from him was at the wheel." The group nodded.

"Well that wasn't the case. The Hisoka in there is the real Hisoka. When I was in his mind..." Zan sighed and ran a hand over his eyes giving Watari and the others an apologetic look.

"I mean I've seen some chopped up minds in my time, but who ever did that to him, is a professional. It had to have taken years. I have never seen some one's mind so… so, mutilated.

"I'm not exactly sure of the implications but maybe you could shed some light on some things I saw. I trust that Watari and Tatsumi know pretty much everything that has happened with Hisoka?" Zan asked Tsuzuki. The violet-eyed man folded his arms and thought.

"Collectively I suppose."

"Ok good, then I would like to speak with them, Tsuzuki san if you could stay here with Hisoka."

"No way! I want to know. What if you say something they don't know?" Tatsumi placed a hand on Tsuzuki's shoulder to placate him. "No I am going to hear this, no one knows Muraki better than I. I can interpret him much better than they could." Zan passed a worried look between Watari and Tatsumi. Watari looked down and sighed. Finally Tatsumi nodded.

"Alright then. Lets go into the observation room." They entered into the small adjoining office Tsuzuki and Tatsumi had been waiting in before. Tsuzuki went over the blinds and opened them to see large plate glass separating him and Hisoka.

"I'm going to tell you everything I saw and then you can decide its relevance. Some times The mind likes to interpret emotions and feelings with objects and the like." Every one sat, Tsuzuki sat across from the glass so he had a clear view of Hisoka.

"First I noticed it was pretty dark and cold, which is normal for any mind when distraught. It's actually a good sign for us. I saw many walls all varying in color and type.

"Some were earth walls, with lichen and stone, some were metal, and I could have sworn there were hospital walls. Has he spent any amount of time in a hospital?" They all nodded.

"two years." Tsuzuki said, his voice cracked and Watari placed a hand on his shoulder. "Those earth walls? I think those probably where the cellar walls of his child hood." Tsuzuki added, Zan raised an eyebrow.

"His parent's where extremely ashamed of Hisoka's empathy, so they locked him in the cellar for long periods of time. I'm pretty sure they kept him down there always… but Hisoka won't talk about it." Zan shook his head in anger, a brief flash of recognition danced through his eyes. Had this man experienced something similar?

"The metal walls I don't know about." Tsuzuki hung his head.

"Hmmm, well those could simply be fabricated from a movie or book he has read." Zan thought aloud.

"Also I noticed there was a singular Sakura tree sectioned off by the walls, Its roots seemed to go on for ever, no matter where I was in Hisoka's mind, I kept tripping over those damned roots. There was a huge red moon hanging over the tree. That was the coldest part of his mind." Tsuzuki buried his head in his hands, as if unable to deal with the retelling of this story.

So Tatsumi took it upon himself to tell it. He stood from his seat and went to the window looking through to where Hisoka laid, determination for helping the boy rising at the site of him.

"When Ever Muraki is around he seems to announce himself with a red moon. Hisoka was 13 He witnessed Muraki murder someone under a Sakura tree. Then… He raped Hisoka under that tree, and cursed him. Marking him with those red curse marks you saw earlier.

"He cursed him to die a slow and painful death. Hisoka lived three more years with illness, before he finally passed over to become a shinigami. I have no doubt that you saw that very tree, and those roots are more than likely the evidence of Muraki's hold over Hisoka." Tatsumi said. Sober silence settled on to the room.

Zan was looking at his hands as if afraid to relinquish the information he still had left to tell.

"When I found Hisoka in there though." He said raising his eyes to Tatsumi and Watari, afraid to look at Tsuzuki. "It was pretty gruesome, anou… His left hand was missing and his mouth was sealed as if he had never had one." Watari gasped. "He was wearing an extremely thick leather collar, it made him barely able to move his head."

"Also, his eyes had been sewn shut. It looked as though he had been crying blood."

Tsuzuki shot out of his seat and briskly walked out of the room. Zan looked back and forth between Watari and Tatsumi apologetically.

"Don't worry Zan… he just needs some time to cope." Tatsumi said sitting in Tsuzuki's empty chair, his head seemed to be weighed down with the news. Zan nodded, looking at the two men. They looked completely shell shocked. Watari was hunched over deep in thought; Tatsumi was leant back against the back of the chair. A highly unTatsumi gesture. He kept rubbing his mouth over and over.

"I suppose the eyes could have meant when Hisoka saw Muraki murder that woman, but I'm not sure." They heard a loud crash and all eyes turned to Hisoka's room where Tsuzuki had thrown a chair across the room and now leant over the still form of his partner.

"I...I don't think he should be around an empath right now." Zan said rubbing his temple in pain. "He hasn't stopped mentally screaming since I dropped that bomb." The men quickly rose to their feet and returned to the infirmary.

A quiet sobbing echoed in each of their hearts as they approached, When close enough they saw an empty eyed Hisoka trying to comfort the hysterical Tsuzuki, but failing due to his restraints. When Tsuzuki noticed the boy was responding to his emotions, eyes glossed over not really grasping the situation he was in, but almost equally hysterical with worry, Tsuzuki wrapped his arms around the boy and buried his head in the crook of Hisoka's neck sobbing into the soft skin.

"Baka." Hisoka cursed. All eyes shot towards his smiling face as he looked into Tsuzuki's eyes. But Tsuzuki just stood and walked out of the room. His face, incredibly sad.

"Tsuzuki!" Tatsumi ran after him, Watari made to follow but Zan held him back.

"He is just upset because Hisoka read him and saw that Tsuzuki's wish was to hear Hisoka chastise him. So Hisoka did." Zan finished matter of factly. He made his way over to the now crying Hisoka, smiling sadly, he took his hand and reassured him that Tsuzuki was not mad at him.

It's ok Hisoka. He is just a little stressed right now. But the words never got through. None the less Hisoka relaxed due to Zan's calming emotions.

"Zan? Tell me about those roots again." Watari asked, it looked like the cogs had been turning since the psychiatrist had first mentioned the tree.

"Well, they were everywhere. All gnarled and disfigured. Climbing the walls even, in some spots. All collectively leading to that damned tree." Zan remembered.

Watari looked to be deep in thought.

Tsuzuki and Tatsumi soon returned, the emergence of Tsuzuki's emotions made Hisoka motion towards the purple eyed man, but when he couldn't move to hug the man he cried out in anguish.

"I'm sorry Hisoka but we still have to perform the ritual." Tatsumi said patting the boy on the shoulder. At that moment Kyo Sato entered the room holding a huge bag and lagging behind him was a grumbling Terazuma and a trepidations Wakaba each holding various items that looked indiscernible.

"How.. " Zan smiled at Tsuzuki's unspoken question.

"Oh well Kyo and I are partners so we are mentally aligned. I just have to shout through his thick skull mentally and hope he hears me." Kyo narrowed his eyes and plopped down the bag at the foot of Hisoka's bed.

"You rang?" but before Zan could answer he was interrupted by a low growl and whine that Hisoka made at the sight of Kyo. Every one except Zan and Kyo stepped back. Hisoka began to thrash on the bed half in fear and half in anger. Kyo looked around at the group.

"I get that a lot."

"Yes Kyo is an exorcist."

"But you said that this was the real Hisoka, this isn't really an exorcism but a ritual to break the curse. Why is Hisoka acting like that." Asked Tsuzuki back at the boy's side trying to calm him down.

"Well yeah but the curse is evil and it has been in Hisoka for such a long time that it is evident in his personality."

"Wait wait wait. Is this going to change Hisoka's personality? I mean his real personality?"

"Maybe a little." Kyo offered walking over to the curtains and pulling them closed. Zan shot Kyo a look.

"You see the tree is a good analogy for this curse. If we were to rip the roots out of Hisoka's mind then yes his personality would change. Killing it would be fine, as the roots could still stay entwined in Hisoka's mind, and it could eventually just heal itself with time and coping. But we can't kill it, because there are to many layers to this curse and Muraki's half, the half that we can't touch, would just over power Tsuzuki's half and possibly do damage during the take over.

"Our safest rout is cut it down. Level it off. The roots still undisturbed, until we can find a better solution. Before it grows back." Zan stated matter of factly.

"What my partner is TRYING to say is that this is a temporary fix. This will alleviate whatever seed Muraki has planted in the kid's brain, undoing the problem that has recently occurred. Returning him to what he was before Muraki had him. With maybe a little less of the curse."

"You guys sure like plants." Tsuzuki huffed. "So then Hisoka will go back to normal?"

"Yes."

"Maybe"

It was Kyo's turn to shoot a look

"Well don't forget you have to take into account the emotional trauma and possible brainwashing Muraki has put him through. Yes it's true that what is keeping Hisoka from returning back to normal is probably the curse, but that may not be what made him this way. Does any of this make any sense?"

"Yes."

"Yes."

"No."

Tatsumi and Watari shot a look at Tsuzuki who just shrugged.

"I know that you are trying to help. And Tatsumi and Watari trust you and seem to think this is a good enough idea. Don't get me wrong; I get the gist of it… It doesn't matter, lets just get this over with." Tsuzuki sighed.

He looked around the room Kyo had turned the lights off and candles had replaced them. Watari and Tatsumi were moving the other infirmary bed while Kyo was drawing a perfect circle n the ground with what looked to be salt, while Zan was writing odd symbols near the edge in all four directions.

The circle finished, Kyo lay a dark quilt of some kind down in the center of the circle. It was beautiful with little embroidered flowers and symbols on some of the decadent silk patches lined with black velvet. It was sinister looking in its beauty and every one in the room could tell by looking at it that it was no mere quilt.

"What.. what is that?" Asked Tsuzuki. Watari was the first to respond, as everyone was busy.

"It's like a … well. A holy blanket. Haha." He laughed at that, scratching his neck. "When Hisoka will lay on it, we can all pour our power into it. While Zan and him can direct the power for where it needs to go"

"Him?" Kyo asked raising an eyebrow

"Yeah, YOU." Watari sneered. Kyo ignored him and walked up to Tsuzuki,

"Yeah I'm Kyo. I think we met before briefly." Kyo shook Tsuzuki's hand.

"Yeah I remember you're the one who stopped time right?" Everyone shot a worried look at Watari.

"Well yeah, something like that." There was an awkward pause until Zan shook his head at them. He walked over to Hisoka and started undoing the restraints

"I thought we could do it with just me and Kyo but it turns out the kid is damn powerful so we have to do it this way." Tsuzuki helped with the restraints and when he was free Zan began tying Hisoka's hands and feet together. This seemed to Upset Tsuzuki.

"Do we have to do that?"

"Last time we did this with out restraints, Kyo almost lost an eye again. I just don't want to take any chances with interrupting the ritual."

"Again?" Tatsumi asked.

"Long story, tell you later when everyone can sit down to a kiri." Zan carefully picked up the bound and wide-eyed Hisoka and carried him over to the center of the circle. He laid him down onto the blanket.

"All right here's what's going to happen. Tsuzuki and Hisoka will be in the center of the circle. Tsuzuki, your job is to keep Hisoka there and you may have to help restrain him. He is liable to be thrashing around some. AT NO POINT can either of you leave the circle when the ritual has started. This may or may not be painful for Hisoka judging what you have told us of Muraki, it more than likely will be. He can move about but he must always be touching the blanket

"Watari, you will be standing on the east symbol right there" Watari walked over to his spot and gingerly stepped onto the symbol, "Kyo will be at south, I will be at west and Wakaba will be at north." Wakaba nodded, Kyo having already explained som to her and Terazuma.

"What about us? You never mentioned that." Terazuma said playing with an unlit cigarette between his teeth. Kyo rummaged through his bag and withdrew two handguns. Everyone looked warily at the weapons. Kyo walked over to Tatsumi and Terazuma and pressed a gun into each of there hands.

"If I move at all shoot me." They looked at him jaws dropped.

"It wont kill me, just wake me up." He shrugged.

"You see there is a possibility that the evil could take over some one else. Making them possessed by whatever demon is watching over Hisoka. There may be more than one. But Kyo is damn powerful and he will be able to protect the rest of you from it, drawing it into himself.

"Ugh. My head hurts." Tsuzuki complained.

"What do you have to bitch about? You just have to sit there and hold onto the kid. We get to possibly shoot someone. Speaking of which, why do you need two of us?"

"Well there is a possibility that Kyo wont be able to restrain all of the demons that might want to take this opportunity to come through." He looked at Watari and Wakaba. "Don't worry, IF I need to I'll draw them to me." they nodded swallowing dryly.

"Ok pretty much you guys know how to concentrate your energy to fly right?" Wakaba and Watari nodded. "Well all you have to do is concentrate your energy onto the blanket. It might be hard at first but once you start Kyo will get the ball rolling and it wont be that hard."

"So we just stand here and concentrate our spirit energy into the blanket. And if one of you gets possessed then you get shot? Well what happens if you do get possessed and and… shot." Wakaba stammered out.

"Don't worry the likely hood of that happening is damn near null, it's just we like to be extra safe" Kyo Winked and smiled at Wakaba before he felt the barrel of a gun against his head.

"I got my eye on you." Terazuma whispered. Kyo swallowed and smiled weakly.

"I get the picture." He squawked out

"Terazuma!" They all shouted. He withdrew the gun and clapped Kyo on the back.

"Just making sure he understood." He grinned fishing his lighter out of his pocket to light his cigarette.

"Please, not in the infirmary." Watari asked exasperated.

"Ok well IF That happens and we get shot. All you need to do is step into the circle. And it should safely dissipate." Zan said as he pulled a pocket watch from his pocket and checked it accordingly.

"That's it?" Tsuzuki squeaked out? "If that's it then I'm worried."

"You are always worried when the kid is involved." Terazuma scoffed.

"That's true" Tsuzuki drew Hisoka up into his arms protectively.

"Well then lets get started, shall we?"


	5. Chapter 5

WOW, I wasn't planning on posting this till tomorrow but… I will be taking a short break from posting for the next couple days. I think. Maybe. It all depends on if I will have the time and computer access. Rest assured that It won't take that long, and certainly less than a week.

ShinigamixGirl: Mwau hahhah. I like being scary! This one is way less a cliffy, so hope you enjoy!

silenceinlight: Muraki or Hisoka centered angst, it's coming, just not for a couple chapters! XD hehe I actually don't follow final fantasy at all. It's on my to do list tho! hides face in shame so I don't really know who you speak of. But YAY YOU LIKE KYO! When I first made him I was telling myself over and over again. you will not get attached to Kyo, you will not get attached to Kyo well I did anyway. sketches fifth pic of Kyo

laustic: Tsuzuki + protective / Hisoka JOY! I heart when anyone feels protective over Hisoka, I'm just like that I guess. Thanks!!

Kaouri18: here you go! squeals I have people NEEDING more! I is now a very happy camper!

AN: The ritual is actually a "real" summoning that has been manipulated for the sake of story telling. It's a pagan ritual for calling down the gods but I've changed it for archangel magick, as that is what I think the shinigami would most likely use. Being that there is meifu and demons in Matsushita's world.

If you have any questions about that just ask. For most of it I was winging it but I put allot of truth into it too. Sorry if it's confusing. Some one please tell me if it is confusing and I may just cut it all together…

I had a hard time deciding whether to use gods or angels, as in Japan all creatures above the plane of human are referred to as gods. Even Tsuzuki who when summoning his shikki call them gods.

I finally decided on angels to ease the confusion. But it might help to know that the angels are very similar to the shikki.

Also I would like to point out the fact that Kyo, when summoning goes counterclockwise. There is a reason for that. Which shall be revealed later.

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"I call to the angels of the east, Angels of wind and intellect. Angels of inceptions and the rising sun. We ask of your power and guiding spirit in this task before us," Kyo belted out his voice booming and powerful, when he finished a soft breeze escalated into a whirlwind that only affected Watari his golden hair whipping about his face. It seemed to surround Watari, and did not cease. His normally amber eyes shone a bright yellow. He turned from Watari to Wakaba

"I call to the Angel's of the north! Angels of earth and creation. Angels of defensive magic and birth. We ask of your power and your protective spirit in this task before us." Wakaba gasped as her spirit energy that she had been focusing on the blanket turned visible and concentrated to her feet where it turned into glowing green roots that wove around the circle in a protective manner latching onto Watari, Kyo then finally Zan. The roots after completing the circle reached in towards Tsuzuki and Hisoka but disappeared underground and under the blanket before it could latch on to the two.

Her closed eyes opened to reveal a soft olive green, duller than Watari's shining ones, but still as startling.

"I call to the angel's of the west! Angels of water and conceptions. Rulers over Emotion and the setting sun. We ask of your power and healing spirit in this task before us." Zan closed his eyes letting the power flow through him wave after wave. His hair and clothing made it look like he was suspended under water as the scruffy brown hair floated around his serious face. His eyes now a shining blue, the same blue hue radiated off his entire being and filled the circle with a brilliant blue light. Illuminating the wide eyed Hisoka and startled Tsuzuki.

"I call to the angels of the south. Angels of fire and the passion. Rulers over offensive magic and destruction. We ask of your power and initiate spirit in this task before us." Kyo abruptly started afire causing Tatsumi and Terazuma to take a step back in shock. Even though he looked to be on fire he looked unharmed. His eyes opened to a startling matte black.

"All right concentrate your energy on to the blanket." Kyo said in his now seemingly unearthly voice. There respective spirit energy seemed to be traveling into Wakaba's roots and in towards Tsuzuki and Hisoka. The various stitch work began to glow as it was saturated with power. Hisoka watched the blanket beneath him begin to glow with frightened eyes.

Tsuzuki held the violently shaking boy. He pressed his face against the top of Hisoka's head and watched as the blanket was slowly consumed with lights. Hisoka began to struggle to get away, fearing what would happen when the whole quilt was illuminated. Tsuzuki held the boy firmly around his arms.

"Tsuzuki, no please!" Tsuzuki shushed into the boy's hair. His heart silently breaking at his partner's fear. This was their only hope. It had to work.

Soon only one patch was left unlit. A patch with a tightly wound large swirl. Hisoka watched as the threads slowly began to absorb the light from it's surrounding patches they both watched eyes wide with fascination and fear and once the patch was completely absorbed Hisoka's body stiffened straight as a board.

Tsuzuki laid him down and as he did, Hisoka's head began lolling back and forth. His eyes rolling into the back of his head.

"Hisoka… please, you will be ok. Stay with me." The next second his eyes focused on Tsuzuki and tears of crimson blood began to track down his face.

"Hisoka?!" Tsuzuki asked franticly.

"Tsuzuki… I'm scared." Hisoka choked out.

"It's ok, everything is going to be ok. Just breath for me." Hisoka nodded clutching onto Tsuzuki's sleeve as it wrapped around him, concentrating on breathing. Every now and then a stab of pain ripped through his skull and he would nearly scream from it until he bit his tongue to stop himself. Blood now pouring from his mouth as well.

Minutes passed but they seemed more like hours. Tsuzuki wondered if Hisoka could bleed to death.

A pinpoint of light shone from Hisoka's heart it slowly expanded into a column illuminating Tsuzuki and Hisoka. Finally after one last agonizing scream Hisoka seemed to go unconscious.

"Hisoka?! Hisoka!"

"Don't worry Tsuzuki, its just beginning. Just comfort him. He can still hear you." Zan said eyes closed. Tsuzuki looked up through his tears. He took his jacket off and began to wipe away the blood from Hisoka's face.

"Yes, alright. Hisoka can you hear me? It's going to be all right you need to comeback. You need to come back to me. You promised. You promised me we would stay together."

Hisoka screamed as he heard those words. But he realized that it wasn't a bodily scream it was mental. He was transported back into his mind were he was still a child and a shell of a human being. Eyes sewn shut, mouth not present.

He could not see the presence of the others but he could feel it. Suddenly arms wrapped around him thin and warm. He heard Wakaba crying softly he could feel more arms embrace him and he knew them to be Watari's. They lifted him up and began carrying him towards something.

He knew not what it was but he could sense the foreboding. He felt the breeze with the sweet scent of sakura and he began to struggle again. A ferocious wind whipped about them. Thunder clashed and lightning pierced the dark night of Hisoka's mind.

The four visitors held firm as Kyo battled the winds with a shield of some sort. He struggled on with some difficulty.

"No please not there. I can't go back there!" he communicated with his mind but they carried him on anyway. And suddenly they dropped him, no longer able to hold back his struggleing form. He was kneeling before that sakura tree. The storm seemed to have passed, or was unable to penetrate this part of Hisoka's mind where he was so weak.

He was under it. That same tree. And he could see. But he didn't want to see. He wanted his eyes sewn shut again. He didn't want to see that. So he closed them tightly and began rocking back and forth, until Watari stopped him. Zan sat before Hisoka speaking in soothing tones.

"Hisoka… Hisoka do you want this to stop?" Hisoka looked where his left hand should have been and watched it start to reappear, his child like fingers flexing and bending. Fading back into existence. He looked up into Zan's now smiling eyes with awe.

"How"

"Because you are facing it. Now lets stop this and cut this tree down." He lifted an axe from the ground and pressed it into Hisoka's now reappeared hands. He looked around; Watari and Wakaba were both holding axes as well.

When he spotted the red headed man that inspired so much fear in him earlier, he stared in awe as he was now sporting a chainsaw. A cigarillo hanging from his mouth grinning maniacally. He didn't recognize the man but an overwhelming sense of ease, radiated off of him. He couldn't help trusting this stranger.

Kyo revved the engine of the chain saw and threw down the cigar.

"Lets get this party started now shall we?" He remained grinning and began cutting at the tree. The rest all swung at the tree with their axes.

Hisoka couldn't hear Tsuzuki but some how he knew that Tsuzuki was with him. A warm feeling of being embraced surrounded him and gave him strength.

He swung the axe and the tree seemed to shatter into a million little pieces. Splintering the darkness with little mirrors of light. He fell into that darkness then, feeling rested and at peace.

When the ritual ended the four people surrounding the circle collapsed to their knees. The light now gone, the room seemed quiet and still except for the harsh breathing of the four that ventured into Hisoka's mind.

"Damn. That Kid is strong!" He nodded his head in gratitude as Tatsumi helped him into a chair. Terazuma doing the same for Zan and Watari.

"So I take it… no one is possessed?" Terazuma asked while Tatsumi helped Wakaba up respectively.

"No! It was a success."

"Damn." Terazuma grinned at the disapproving glare Tatsumi gave.

"So Hisoka san will be returning to normal?" Tatsumi asked hopefully. Zan and Kyo exchanged a look before answering.

"Don't forget the hardships that Muraki put him through. He no doubt will remember them all now. He has a lot of healing to do yet." Kyo said through heavy breaths. He seemed to be the most winded. The room fell back into silence until Tsuzuki broke it.

He looked up to the four that now sat strewn about the room.

"Thank you. Thank you all." He met them each in the eye before returning his gaze to the sleeping Hisoka. He lifted him up carefully and returned him to the bed he proceeded to take the restraints off and tuck him in. Watari broughthis chair closer to Hisoka and rested his hand on the unconscious one's own.

"I never knew… I mean I know it was bad but... man." Wakaba nodded new tears began to fall from her eyes.

"Oh Terazuma it was terrible. How could anyone do that to him?" Terazuma longed to reach out and hold her but his arms dropped to his sides. Tatsumi took his place offering a hug and rubbing her back.

"What all happened in there?" Tatsumi asked quietly.

"Well, the most important thing was that Hisoka took his fate into his own hands and began the destruction of Tsuzuki's half of the curse. That is a very important part of healing. We pretty much had to finish the job because he lost consciousness." Tsuzuki's head shot up.

"Don't worry Tsuzuki that can happen. But he cut down the tree. The curse is still there but it is no longer as powerful as it was. And the spell Muraki had over Hisoka disappeared with that tree. This is a big step."

"How powerful is this kid?" Kyo interrupted that train of thought.

"Um well… he has never been able to summon shikki and he isn't very powerful magically, but he is pretty good with empathy. He's actually pretty good in most of the martial arts." Tsuzuki stated, sad and absently rubbing Hisoka's arm as he thought.

Kyo and Zan exchanged looks.

"Well I think he may be a lot more powerful from now on." Tatsumi raised his head.

"What do you mean?"

"Well the curse? The one that Muraki originally placed on Hisoka? Well it has been holding the kid back, I've never felt such raw power in someone like that." Zan nodded.

"Yes and his empathy will improve too."

"Really?" Tsuzuki asked amazed.

"I would bet a large sum on it." Kyo said. Watari chuckled at the statement.

"You got something to say you mad hatter?" Kyo scowled.

"Oh no. Nothing. You speak for yourself. How long do you think bon will be out of it?"

"Could be several hours, could be several days. No way of knowing really." Zan said shrugging.

"I think I'm going to pass out now." Wakaba stated as she stood. I'll bring some cookies tomorrow morning but I'm really tired." Terazuma and Wakaba bid their farewells, wakaba pausing an extra long minute placeing her hand on Tsuzuki's shoulder and wiping a stray bit of blood from Hisoka's face. Then they left.

Watari and Tatsumi were the next to depart. Tatsumi insisted on the Scientist sleeping in a real bed and actually go home for once. Even though Watari insisted that there WAS a real bed in his lab.

Zan looked at the distraught purple-eyed shinigami.

"He will be ok Tsuzuki. Eventually. It'll be tough but if he has you? He can do it."

"How can you be so sure?" Tsuzuki watched as Zan passed Kyo a furtive glance to Kyo as if asking for permission.

"Because…"

"Because Kyo is a living example."

"What?"

"I went through a lot of what this kid went through." Kyo admitted. He stood looping his fingers into his suspenders. He nodded at Zan as if he was giving permission, but then he swiftly left the room. There was a long pause as Tsuzuki watched Zan now deep in thought.

"Tsuzuki, Zan and I… We have been through a lot. I being an Empath, I was also ostracized for it, however not by my family. And Kyo was also taken advantage of by a medical facility after he became a shinigami. They experimented on him and left his mind in shambles." Zan shook his head at the thought.

"All that I am saying is that there is life after this. You can't lose that hope for you or Hisoka. He needs you. To him he has no one. He has nothing, except you. But that is more than enough. You need to make him realize he isn't as alone as he thinks. He needs to see that he isn't broken." With that Zan quickly rose and left the room.

"But how?" He asked to no one as he held the delicate hand to his cheek, watching the steady rising and falling of the pale yellow blanket.


	6. Chapter 6

Fra: I couldn't tell that you were Italian from your other reviews! Good job! And here you are, I wasn't supposed to be able to post this till tomorrow, but I got lucky and got home early! Enjoy!

laustic: as much as I LOVE seeing a poor weak defenseless Hisoka, I also LOVE seeing a little bit more powerful Hisoka too. I must stop now Or I will go and give it all away!

catgrl106: I feel that I owe that to him, yes. I hope he does too!

Kaouri18: I'm glad you like my visuals! I worked hard on them, dreaming up that mind. WEEE also I LOVE PHOTOGRAPH AND YOU MUST UPDATE NAO!!!

AN: Um yeah this is early and I am sooo tired so please don't sue me. I own nothing. Nothing sob

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Watari is sitting in his lab a smug smirk on his face. The sun was almost in the middle of the sky as he dawdled away his lunch break.

He was drawing in a notebook. A train speeding up a mountain, heading for a broken track around the bend with boulders piled precariously on a ledge over hanging the small valley where the train will undoubtedly derail. Almost finished with the masterpiece he adds a tiny stick figure man sitting atop the out-dated steam train. He gives the man pants and suspenders.

He labels the man Kyo and points an arrow between the text and the figure. Getting his red pen from the drawer he adds the final touch, which is a fiery mass of hair atop the stick figure's head.

He sets the pen down and taps the page, setting the train in motion and watches in amusement as stick figure Kyo screams as the train derails, miraculously surviving the wreck only to be buried with boulders a moment later.

"Am I interrupting something?" Asks an amused Secretary standing arms folded behind the seated genius.

"Nope. Can I help you with something?" Watari spins in his swiveling chair to face his superior not even bothering to cover up the repeating comical disaster, as it crashed over and over again.

"Hisoka's heart rate changed." Tatsumi said the smile falling from his face. Replaced with serious worry.

"Don't worry so much Tatsumi, you should know that it just means that he is waking up."

"That's what I am worried about."

"Hmm I see your point."

The two left the lab and walked briskly to the infirmary. Watari was surprised to see Kyo sitting attentively next to Tsuzuki a hand on the worried shinigami's shoulder.

Watari paused as he a saw a mountain of sweets and fruits. He could distinctly smell a waft of Wakaba's famous stew, Hisoka's favorite.

He walked up to the heart monitor. It had indeed sped up which was a tell tale sign of the kid waking up.

He walked over to Hisoka and removed the sticky pads that monitored the kid's heart rate from his chest.

"Tsuzuki, you should try and wake him. He has been asleep for three days now."

"Should I?" Tsuzuki asked fearfully. Watari nodded.

"Maybe we should get Zan in here. He is the kid's psychiatrist now right?" Kyo offered. Warily lifting his gaze to Watari.

"Yes I think so." Tatsumi replied on behalf of the perturbed scientist.

"I'll get him." Kyo stood and left the room. When he shut the door the tension in the room lightened.

"Must you act so cold towards him Watari? He is helping us." Tsuzuki never looked up from his partner's sleeping face. The sad tone unsettled Watari and Tatsumi.

Just then as if it were the reasoning behind Tsuzuki's melancholy, Hisoka began to stir. His eyebrows furrowed and his mouth opened a fraction only to shut quickly again. His face tensed as if he was clenching his teeth and slowly his limbs began to move.

"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki said quietly still, now standing leant over the bed, the quickly worsening dream was wreaking havoc on the immortal teen. "Hisoka?" He asked again with full intent on waking him. But he wouldn't wake. He grasped his shoulders in order to rouse him.

Just then the door flew open slamming against the wall.

"Tsuzuki! Stand ba-" Right as Zan was shouting the warning, Hisoka's defensive reflex flared, a brilliant light went off as if some one had taken a picture and the flash had reached every corner of the room.

Tsuzuki shrieked from surprise more than anything. Looking down he saw that his whole arms were burned. That was strange. It normally wouldn't have been that bad.

Hisoka began thrashing around on the bed. Wrestling with an invisible demon, who from the way Hisoka was whimpering and sobbing, seemed to be winning. Tsuzuki paid his already healing arms no mind as he wrapped them around the boy. Caring not if he was burned again.

"Hisoka!" The empath's eyes shot open, His breathing still rapid, tears still falling. He looked around the room eyes wide. Unanswered questions showing on his face until finally he noticed, Tsuzuki was holding him.

"Baka! Get off me!" He roughly pushed Tsuzuki away and only felt a little bad at the resounding Inu wails. Wiping his face of all evidence that he had been crying. He proceeded to ignore the little puppy and looked to the others.

"What happened?" He asked nonchalant, as if he hadn't just been in the throws of a nightmare. His normal blank façade slipping down to take its place as Hisoka's first front.

"Well how far back what happened? Because I hate to tell you this but you are dead… and a shinigami." Watari said with amazing speed as he rambled once again. Tatsumi raised an eyebrow at the nervous and worried scientist. It was clear he had no idea what to do in this situation.

Meanwhile Inu Tsuzuki was still tugging on Hisoka's sleeve Alligator tears streaming down his face as he wailed. Zan watched the whole interaction in shock.

"How far back do you remember Hisoka?" Tatsumi said pulling the inu off of Hisoka by his collar and holding him aloft as the still crying thing waved his limbs about frantically.

"The.. the tree." Hisoka sat in contemplation a moment before he went very pale. Zan was there in an instant, having felt what would happen through empathy and experience.

He held the small garbage can up to Hisoka's face, and then swung the boys feet off of the edge of the bed. Hisoka promptly threw up, but having not eaten a solid meal in three days it was mostly dry heaves. Nonetheless Zan could feel the resounding embarrassment even through the extreme nausea and helped the wobbly Hisoka to the bathroom shutting it quickly and locking it.

There was a quick pounding on the door, and a no longer inu Tsuzuki's worried voice rang out in fear.

"Hisoka?! Zan?! What is going on?" He shouted. Zan stood facing the door as Hisoka leant over the porcelain toilet and continued to vomit up nothing.

"Just give us a minute ok?" Zan shouted through the door. Returning to Hisoka's side and rubbing his back in comfort. For a split second Hisoka could feel no emotion from the man and almost cried out in fear, but then he remembered this man was an empath and was thankfully shielding his more rambunctious and damaging emotions from him.

There were muffled angry noises from the other side of the door, Kyo sounded a little miffed, and he felt it too, as well as fear, worry and relief on the other three. Zan was torn, he wanted to stay in the bathroom to help Hisoka, but he also wanted to go out there and give them a piece of his mind.

Hisoka dry heaved again. Tears from the exertion falling from his eyes, but Zan knew that they weren't just from exertion.

"Just call out if you need me ok? I'm going to go… calm them down."

Zan slipped out of the bathroom leaving himself between them and the door.

"Are you all just stupid or THAT inconsiderate?" They stopped and turned to look at Zan. "First of all he is an EMPATH! Put in a bad situation! So when he wakes up you are all going to crowd him? NOT SMART! Second of all, can't you see that he is still overly sensitive to emotions? Obviously not, as you were all standing out here flinging around your anger and fear like monkeys flinging poo!" They all had the sense to look ashamed.

"I need clothes for Hisoka, some tea or water, and two ice packs. And please take your time? And don't all come back at once, ne?" The three solemn men left. Tatsumi even though he had been the quietist of the three, felt responsible, after all. Of all of them, he should have known better. Kyo was leaning against the wall his emotions completely unreadable. Watching as the three men passed, Zan looked at him warily.

"You got things here then? I'm going to… yeah..." The red head quickly left the room.

Zan scoffed, then turned back around and knocked on the bathroom door again.

"Yeah, come in." Came the weak voice. Zan entered. Hisoka was now seated his head in his hands, and back to the tub. Zan sat before him, back to the sink. He stuck out a hand in greeting.

"Hey, I'm Zan. I believe we've only kind of met before. I believe you are Hisoka, right?" Hisoka stared at the hand in confusion a moment before his haunted eyes lifted, and he took the hand and shook it firmly. Hisoka was shocked to find genuine care and acceptance in that shake.

"I take it you remember everything?" The still silent Hisoka looked down at his now empty hand and drew his knees to his chest, a now familiar sight for the psychiatrist.

"I… I… yes." Hisoka looked down and wished the tiles would open up and swallow him. The images of what had happened kept pouring through his head. Of what Muraki had done to him, of what Hisoka had let him do, of what he himself had done to Tsuzuki, he buried his head in his hands.

"You want to talk about it?" Something inside his head screamed yes, but his body knew better and his head shook no. Zan nodded back.

"You are going to have to talk about it eventually." Hisoka shook his head vehemently. Zan sighed. They sat in silence for many minutes. Both of their empathic abilities kept wound up around them to leave the other undisturbed.

There came a soft knock at the door.

"Hisoka?" a muffled Tsuzuki tentatively asked. Zan stood and opened the door before Hisoka had a chance to even register the new presence behind the bundle of worry and care.

The door opened and Tsuzuki stood there holding a small duffle.

"I brought some clothes, if you would like to change." His eyes never leaving his partners own haunted ones.

"Th- thanks." The memory of a hand reaching past Tsuzuki's waist band crept through his mind. He quickly stood grabbed the clothes and pushed Zan and Tsuzuki from the bathroom, a bright blush on his face.

Tsuzuki looked crestfallenly at the door and turned around to sit beside the bed once again.

"What was that about?" Zan asked an eyebrow raised.

"What was what now? He took his clothes…"

"No not that. Hisoka was Embarrassed to see you. Like…"

"Oh that. It probably has something to do with how he acted when under the spell." Tsuzuki started picking at his watch absently.

"What happened?" zan asked in all seriousness. Tsuzuki glanced up.

"It's nothing really, he is just embarrassed I'm sure." Tsuzuki said leaning back and glancing at the bathroom door.

"Tsuzuki, it would help me a lot to help Hisoka if you told me everything. Watari told me that there is a budding relationship between you two, that according to him is going going no where, and he also seems to think that you two are good for each other. It has something to do with that doesn't it?" Tsuzuki shifted, looking uncomfortable.

"I.. I was having a dream about him and when I woke up he came on to me, thinking that it was what I wanted." Zan paused at the news deep in thought.

"So he threw himself at you and you turned him down."

"Well kinda.. yeah."

"Hmm" the bathroom door opened quickly and there stood Hisoka in Orange sweater and jean outfit. He huffed and straitened the denim on his shoulders. When he saw Zan and Tsuzuki look at him he shuffled his feet before stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"Thanks for helping me out Zan san." He bowed and then made his way over to the pitcher of water that some one had left, he filled a paper cup swiftly drinking it before crushing the cup. Tatsumi and Kyo then walked in. both froze at the site of Hisoka refilling a cup.

"Would you all just stop it?" He said not looking back to see who had entered. "This constant worry is giving me a head ache." Just then Tatsumi realized he was holding the two ice packs and made his way over to Hisoka offering it to him.

Hisoka took it gingerly and placed it atop his head, then thanked him. Zan made his way over to Tatsumi who still held the second ice pack, wondering why he had been asked to retrieve two. Zan took the other pack and smiled before placeing it on his own head.

"You three sure know how to make a ruckus." Kyo chuckled at Zan's remark. "And you be quiet! You were just as bad." Kyo's mouth snapped shut.

"Hisoka, are you alright?" Tatsumi asked arms now folded and back rigid, in his normal display of control.

"yeah I'm fine. I think I'm gonna head home now."

"yeeeaaah, I don't think so," said a newly arrived Watari with a tray full of tea. He set it down on the desk and made his way over to Hisoka who gingerly took a step back. But Watari was too quick for him, and he placed a hand on his forehead checking for a temperature, when he was satisfied he pulled Hisoka into a hug, surprising everyone in the room. Hisoka's hair visibly bristled but he made no move to push the scientist away.

"You are staying in the infirmary until further notice." Hisoka stepped back angry with Watari for deciding for him.

"What the hell, as you can see I am fine, a good nights rest and-" Tatsumi had quickly walked up behind Hisoka and spun him around holding firm to his shoulders.

"Kurosaki Hisoka, You. Are not. Fine. You have just recovered from a spell that Muraki had you under while you were under his captivity for two weeks. Do not lie to yourself; we can all see that this is a front and that you are NOT fine. Now you will stay in the infirmary until Watari and Zan, your doctors, deem you fit. Do you understand?" Hisoka who felt now a total of two feet tall slowly nodded his head as he stared in awe of the scary secretary, never had he been so stern with Hisoka before, mostly because Hisoka would give him no reason too be.

"Now I think it might be pertinent for you and Zan to have a talk, don't you think Zan san?"

"Yes indeed." Zan said. Watari ruffled Hisoka's hair and grabbed Tatsumi's arm as he headed out of the room. Tsuzuki stood as well.

"Tsuzuki, if you would remain here with us please?" Zan asked politely before turning to Kyo. "I believe you have some research on family trees?"

"Yeah, catch ya later." Kyo said gruffly before departing as well. The atmosphere settling down some, had eased a little of the tension from the teen. But he still stood awkward. Not knowing what to do.

"Hisoka why don't you come over here and have a seat with us, Watari san brought us some nice tea." Zan offered, carrying the tray over to the small couch across from the desk, he pulled up another chair for Tsuzuki. Zan doubted that Hisoka wanted to sit near to anyone right now.

Tsuzuki sat and poured the tea for them, handing the cups out like a good host. Hisoka watched his movements warily, it was clear the kid did not want to be there right now.

"Well, where should we start? How about what happened when you were with Muraki?" Zan watched through calculating eyes as he took a sip of his tea. But more reaction came from Tsuzuki than Hisoka.

"You can't just ask him that, shouldn't you ease into it a little?"

"Tsuzuki san I appreciate your worry but I am the psychiatrist so if you would please be quiet while I ask Hisoka a few questions." Tsuzuki's puppy ears lay flat against his head but he remained quiet. Zan looked back at Hisoka who was now holding himself in earnest, tears on the verge of falling over that delicate precipice. Tsuzuki didn't care if the boy protested, he sat next to Hisoka and drew him into his arms, Hisoka flailing his arms about to push the elder away, but he was too weak and Tsuzuki was too determined to give the boy that foreign affection, that everyone knew he so desperately needed.

"It's ok Hisoka. Shh shhh, I promise I wont let Muraki-"

"Don't you dare!" Hisoka gave a much stronger shove to the violet eyed shinigami. "No promises. Tsuzuki, you should know better." Hisoka pushed himself off the couch and out of their reach and then vanished from the infirmary.

"Hisoka!" but Zan placed a hand on the shinigami's arm.

"Perhaps some time alone might not be detrimental to his recovery Tsuzuki. Don't worry, he has to face the truth some time." Zan said picking up a leather binder and sighing, he opened it and dabbed his pen on his tongue.

"So Tsuzuki, how have you been dealing with this all?"

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	7. Chapter 7

Emina: Umm you think the story is Gruesome? But you don't mind right:Hides later chapters: While I totally agree that Pushing a Fic beyond its expiration date is in bad taste, I have had most of this fic already written out for quite some time, just adding this and that to tidy it up a bit. It is not ending yet… I may cut it in half and have a sequel? It all depends on if you guys want two shorter stories or one long one. I think your vote is for two shorter ones then?

Fra: I think every shinigami should have a psychiatrist. I mean damn, what with the tortured past and being a harbinger of death!

laustic: the way I view this story put into the context of a metaphor: Hisoka eats the mushroom that makes him into a giant, so he has shin splints and of course there is the whole Evil queen (Muraki) thing and Hisoka just keeps getting hit in the head with the ceiling fan… oh god… I think I've totally lost it. Does that make any sense? It was supposed to agree with your comment. Any way. THANKS XD

Kaouri18: First UPDATE PHOTOGRAPH! Or I wont update this MWAU HAHAHA HAHA (j/k) second, and maybe… what! I must know! Also yeah, Hisoka I think would have some difficulties being stuck in his ways. Also SANKYOU!

Anzen Hinansho: First "Like Love, Like Lies" :fans self: is my favored yaoi fic on Tsuzuki acting all sinful, and yummy Hisoka and OH gawd:runs off to read it again.: I love that one! ALL of your stories are just brilliant! You say you're honored? I feel as if I should retract my whole story and pour over it for hours to smooth it out, and clean it up before I let you see it. Truly. I am not worthy of your praise!

Second, let me start by saying, when you were describing your self and your reasoning, everything from reading the summary first to not being satisfied with offered fics, thus needing to fill that void. I was a little confused because at first I thought you were talking about me!

That is absolutely the reason why I write fan fiction at all. I search and search and search for the holy grail of all angst fiction and when I cannot find it, I usually can think of nothing else but amusing plot bunnies that eventually turn to plot tigers. Little of my work has actually ever been posted, because As you read, I do not consider myself a writer, I am a reader, and when I can't read what I want, I write what I want. I don't know why, perhaps it's to completely forget that I have written it and then I can trick myself into enjoying it later (Sadly this has not happened yet)

Rest assured that there is still much left of this story and as you can see I update often enough. However it seems that I will have to split it in half. I will proof read everything five times more, now that I know you will be reading it:Squeaks!: enjoy!

AN: Please read the end note when you are finished! Also I own… nothing.

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Hisoka had never disobeyed a direct order from Tatsumi, he really hadn't ever even liked going against the other man's wishes. Except in Kyoto… but that was different. He ran out of the room and immediately teleported his way to the smallest sakura grove, near the library.

He was hit with the sudden realization, that he really had nowhere to go. No place he could _really_ hide. If need be they could find him just from his spirit signature. That really unnerved him. He leant against the nearest sakura tree, fingernails breaking from where they dug into the bark.

He couldn't ask himself how this had happened, or even why, but still there was a burning question in his heart, and he didn't know what it asked.

Flashes of a red room, a tiny bell on little white ribbon. A white yukata splattered with blood, and the pain. The pain that had spilled over flowing. The pain that was accompanied with the pleasured moans that erupted from his own mouth. He doubled over as an intense wave of nausea crashed into him.

He had been a doll again, and he felt just as useless as one too, giving in to that fiery mind, He had synchronized with the enemy, So that Muraki's pleasure was his own. His will was nothing more than an echo of Muraki's own. Making all of those questions, worries, fears… unimportant, by making them fade away into a long forgotten secret chamber in his mind.

A chamber that came into being on that night all those years ago, when the Sakura petals lay dying in a flourish and the moon was blood red.

He let out a strangled cry and punched the trunk of the ever-blossoming tree before him. This infernal tree had been a constant to all of Hisoka's suffering, a silent witness to every injustice bestowed upon him.

As a child he had watched the pink blossoms from a tiny window, wanting nothing more than to sit under it's branches, the shining petals mocking him in his darkness. Then when he finally had escaped his prison, for the blossom's sake no less, they watched and mingled with his blood as he was defiled and cursed.

In the early days of his hospice care, the family nurse would often wheel Hisoka out under that same tree, he unable to protest as his voice had long left him by then. Not that he even understood why he detested that tree so.

Then finally as he was now dead, he lived in a land where they never withered, and always blossomed. Determined to remind him forever more, what he was sure would heal if he could only forget.

He pulled his grinding fist from the trunk and watched as the torn flesh healed. Another Mockery.

This was no purgatory, this was unadulterated hell.

He found himself stumbling into the library, knowing that even if they looked for him here he could still remain lost in the endless aisles a little longer.

The Gu Sho Shin twins rushed up to greet him but stopped when they saw him. He looked like a wounded animal, jacket askew, hair disheveled, he had wiped the blood from his hand on his jacket front, no longer caring about appearances.

A wounded animal that had given up hope and would fight with every last ounce of breath it had left, for no reason other than it was angry at the prospect of it's impending demise.

He walked into the aisles, wishing he didn't know the secret to their maze, so that he could become lost. He kept going paying no heed to what section he was in, to what numbers or letters.

When he finally stopped he found himself in a section that he had often visited before. He pulled out one book of a series he had read when he first became a shinigami; It had seemed relevant at the time. He flipped through its pages, searching for meaning, searching for anything.

"And if my dying turned that highest pleasure,

To very dust, what joy could still remain

in mortal things for you to seek and treasure?"

He threw the book down and sank to the floor, back to the shelf, heels of his hands firmly planted over his eyes, a strangled sob, treacherously escaping past his throat. He quickly abandoned his eyes and opted to cover his mouth instead, as it was betraying him even more.

The images of before returned but this time with a vengeance. The cords that had tied his wrists, the blood stained silk. And those eyes, those damn glamoured eyes, that weren't Muraki's own, but a purple pair instead. A spell to deceive.

Muraki had portrayed himself as Tsuzuki and Hisoka had played along.

Awakening in him feelings and at the same time corrupting them with the false image of his partner, his friend. In an instant Tsuzuki was no longer his safety or home. He squeezed his eyes shut to the images that had been burned into his pupils.

Muraki had been sure to corrupt and murder any hope Hisoka had for himself and Tsuzuki. And he had just… let him.

Now he was mourning. Some how with the curse, he had been able to deal with it. But he didn't know why, or how. Except that it was Muraki's wish that it was so.

"Dante's Purgatory, that's some heavy reading." Hisoka's eyes flew open and he stared across from him. Leaning against the opposite shelf, was the red head from earlier. He recalled the man with the chainsaw and cigar. Urging on the destruction of that curse that stood in his mind as a tree. Nothing more than a figure in a dream. With no emotions attached.

Hisoka said nothing, almost thankful to this stranger for interrupting his thought process. Yet unable to convey that.

"I'm Kyo if you remember? No you don't really remember do you, well anyways…" Hisoka watched him, unresponsive but attentive still.

"I'm going to tell you something and I would much appreciate it if you didn't speak of it to anyone else. When I was alive I worked for the military, British intelligence to be exact. After I died, some of my more observant coworkers picked up on the fact that I was still… well not alive, but still kicking. My own Government, whom I had fought for, who I had died for, captured me and experimented on me." There was a long pause as Hisoka just looked at the man

"One of my superiors, whom I had trusted, betrayed me the most… never once admitting that I was human, or that I was the man he knew before I died. He tortured and raped me." Hisoka stared, still unresponsive.

"I never understood why he did that until years later I found out, he had been experimented on himself, and was a finished product… when I had miraculously risen from the dead, he didn't believe it was really me. He thought I was some sort of undead demon… And some how I represented his own captivity… or what ever, I don't know really… The point is I eventually got over it. I thought It was the worst betrayal in the history of backstabbing son of a bitches but, with time, and with help from some people who later became friends, I got over it. Zan was one of those people, and I'm just saying that because, take it from me, he is one of the most trustworthy men out there."

Still no response, but Hisoka looked down at his hands. They looked so small. Mimicking how he felt.

"You want to talk about it? I mean, I've been hanging around Zan long enough to pick up this knack for listening…"

"I was raped too." Kyo lifted his bright eyes to look at the kid, jumping inside that he was beginning his healing process with those four words. Hisoka never looked up.

"When I was with Muraki… It was Rape." Hisoka stated firmly as if assuring himself of that fact.

"Hisoka, you were under a spell, if you didn't want it? Then it was rape." Hisoka looked up, unshed tears in his eyes.

"He appeared to me as Tsuzuki." A sharp pain rose in Kyo's chest at those words. Kyo nodded, looking down. It would have been impossible not to see that something, some spark was between the two partners. And according to almost the entire department Hisoka and Tsuzuki were destined.

The poor kid. Kyo nodded, looking sad.

There was really nothing to say to that.

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A half hour later Kyo led a downcast Hisoka back in through the infirmary doors, Tsuzuki sprang to his feet having been there with Zan, awaiting Hisoka's return.

Before Tsuzuki moved to embrace Hisoka however, the elder stopped himself, his sad eyes on Hisoka. Instead he sat down, and waited for Hisoka to come to them. Zan looked into his cup of tea, and began wrapping the room in comforting emotion. Sending out wave after wave of safety, to create the right kind of atmosphere that would ease Hisoka best in the task ahead.

Even though Zan had no expectations on making much progress today, the conditions needed to be consistent so that Hisoka would know that he was safe.

Kyo urged Hisoka forward, the defeated boy went to the chair next to the love seat where Tsuzuki sat and immediately curled in to himself. Kyo didn't leave the room but sat on the ledge next to the windowsill looking out.

Hisoka could sense the effort that Zan was putting into creating a comforting atmosphere, and a part of him wanted nothing more than to accept that comfort. But instead he let it roll off of him, like he was waterproof.

"Are you ready to talk about it Hisoka?" Hisoka looked down at his shaking hands, nodding only once. Hisoka seemed to be stuck, an ever-rising wave of despair and panic bubbling up in him. He looked up at Tsuzuki fear in his eyes. He didn't know how to begin. It was as if his ability to talk had escaped him.

Hisoka thought a moment and after changing his mind he stood and walked over to the love seat and sat next to Tsuzuki, pausing a moment before leaning his head on Tsuzuki's shoulder.

The action made Hisoka shake and Zan could sense just how terrified Hisoka was. Tsuzuki slipped his arm around Hisoka and looked down onto the top of the boys golden head.

Hisoka knew it wasn't fair that he was doing this to Tsuzuki, but he had needed the man to comfort him, even if he was now comfort proof. He needed Tsuzuki's emotions, to at least bare witness to what Hisoka would be saying. And much to Hisoka's chagrin, he needed his strength in order to set his tale in motion.

Hisoka knew that once he told Tsuzuki everything their relationship would change.

Tsuzuki would still remain kind and worried, but that hope that Hisoka had just so recently realized was there, would vanish. And Hisoka and Tsuzuki would remain partners forever, nothing more. Unless Tsuzuki wanted out of the partnership, which Hisoka wouldn't blame the other man if he did.

Hisoka realized as he took a deep breath preparing him, he could live with the cold indifference of a partner ship, but he wouldn't make it if Tsuzuki wanted to leave. As long as Tsuzuki didn't leave him, Hisoka could handle it.

"After he took me I woke up tied to a bed. Muraki didn't waste anytime with what he was planning. He raped me within the first hour of my captivity." Zan and Tsuzuki were caught off guard by the sudden launch of Hisoka's story.

"Some where in there, when he was… doing it, He did something weird… there was a blinding light and I was incapable of moving or making any sound, I couldn't even blink my eyes. After that it gets a little weird. He dressed me up in a white Kimono and put a collar around my neck. He had me walk into this room that smelt like burning spice or some thing. There were all these symbols all over the room, every inch. The ceiling the walls the floor, even the doorknob.

"Then he tied me up in these weird restraints they burned my skin." Hisoka held his wrist remembering the pain.

"He said they were for 'the rebirth' and then he said some other bastard things and placed me onto a small stool in the center of the room. He began the ritual and held up a scalpel that was covered in dried blood. He said it was the only thing besides us three that survived Kyoto, and it was the same scalpel that gave Tsuzuki… that gave you the Y incision." Tsuzuki shivered and pulled Hisoka closer.

"I think I cried a little when he said that because he got really mad and slapped me across the face. Dolls aren't supposed to do anything with out permission he said. Then he started the ritual and there was so much pain… I blacked out. When I woke up I felt so much better. Like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Like nothing could go wrong.

"I…I rolled out of the huge bed, I was no longer restrained and when I looked back I saw that some one was still sleeping there. He rolled over to look at me and he… he looked like Tsuzuki." Hisoka put his face in his hands as the tears reserved for this very memory, began finally to fall.

Tsuzuki froze, for only a moment before he wrapped his arms around Hisoka and broughthim into an even tighter embrace. As the boy shook with quiet sobs. Hisoka divulged more, needing at this point to continue so that it would be over and done with. So that afterwards, he could look into those disappointed eyes and crawl into a hole somewhere and die.

"He said it was the first day of my training, and he… he raped me. Brutally, with no restraints, but I..I…I responded! I actually enjoyed it. Not just my body reacting, I… in my head I wanted more." Hisoka wrenched from Tsuzuki's arms and doubled over, clutching at his sides.

"He said some things and then left. The rest of my time there was a blur, Muraki would appear as himself and you, raping me and making love to me in both forms. He wanted me to be obedient in bed. Subservient.

"And he said that I would forever be tamed that way. I would always need pain in order to be satisfied and he proved it to me, as the more he made love the less I liked it and the more he raped me, the more I needed it." Hisoka now stared blankly at the wall across from him.

"He said he would turn me into a little incubus. And then he would go on about how incubus need sex to survive and how they brought misfortune and even death to their pray.

"The more he did this to me, every day treating me the same, saying the same things, the more I could see the truth behind his words. Eventually whenever he walked into the room I was ready and more than willing to give him what he wanted. Often handing him the whip." Hisoka bit his tongue then, drawing blood needing something to center himself. He tasted the bitter metallic and looked down, unable to meet the eyes of the three men in the room.

"On the last day of my "training" he… he stripped me, and then he… he introduced me to some men, I didn't talk, they didn't want me to talk. They ganged up on me… I didn't have a chance. I can remember Muraki disguised as Tsuzuki in that crowd. His laughing face as I did what ever the men wanted.

"Later, after that was over we took a bath and he told me my training was done. And that because I had been so good I could go back to Tsuzuki. The next day, I came back here." Hisoka finally stopped and held his breath. Afraid that he had done the wrong thing in telling them this. The arms that he hadn't realized had returned to hold him, fell away slightly only to rest again, Tsuzuki's large broad hands on Hisoka's small fragile shoulders.

Tsuzuki, with tears steadily falling down his own cheeks looked up at Zan, Who appeared to have aged in the short time Hisoka had told his story. Zan nodded tiredly at Tsuzuki. Warmth and determination poured into the violet eyed one.

"Hisoka look at me." Hisoka faltered but slowly lifted his head to look into Tsuzuki's eyes

"You have to understand, that you were forced into that situation. I know that you doubt it was rape. But you have to see that it was. It doesn't matter what you did to protect yourself, because that's what you were doing." He shook Hisoka's shoulders when the teen looked away.

"When you responded back to Muraki's torments. You were protecting yourself. Don't ever think that you betrayed any one, especially yourself. You needed to do that to stay sane. To stay alive. No one blames you for ANY of what happened to you. Do you understand?" fresh tears fell from Hisoka's eyes.

He wanted to say that yes he understood, but deep down in his heart he knew what happened, he knew what he had done, and even if it was to protect himself, it still felt as if he were a traitor.

Tsuzuki brought Hisoka closer and hugged him so fiercely the teen could barely breath. Tsuzuki sighed.

"I know you aren't ready to forgive yourself, and that's alright too, but you need to know that everyone here is right and you are wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed about." Hisoka sobbed again, hardly believing that Tsuzuki hadn't pushed him away like the used broken doll that he was. And as if Tsuzuki could read minds…

"And damn you for thinking that this would ever effect the way I feel about you." Hisoka's eyes shot up and stared into the purple crying ones before him.

"I love you Hisoka." And as the teen tried to pry himself from his elder's arms, he said it again. "I love you. And I have feelings for you, and I knew you had them for me too before Muraki took you from me. I…I think you still do…I understand if you can't feel the same anymore, but that will never change the fact that I love you. More than my own life. I'm just so sorry that you had to go through this. No matter what you say it is because of me. If Muraki-" Hisoka jabbed the man in the ribs, preventing him from blurting out the rest.

Hisoka burrowed himself deeper into his partner's arms.

"Baka, I feel the same way about you too. Don't be sorry that there's a psycho murderer out to get us. Its not exactly your fault." He croaked out.

"Soka, I'm not sorry that Muraki brought you to me. I can't really be mad at Muraki for that. Don't get me wrong, I'm pissed as all hell about everything else. But not that. That's why I'm sorry Hisoka. That's why." Hisoka nodded.

"I'm not sorry about that either. After Kyoto? I couldn't be anymore." He trembled at the mere thought of how close he had come to losing Tsuzuki. How close he thought he had come at least. It turns out he had never gotten close at all in the eyes of his partner.

They sat like that for a long while arms wrapped around each other, crying softly. When they finally pried themselves apart they realized they were alone and the sun was setting.

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"That kid is damn strong isn't he." Kyo said fists stuffed into his pockets with a lit cigar hanging out of his mouth. Walking away from the room both he and Zan almost broke down in watching that display of pain. It awaking memories from both their pasts.

"Yes, it usually takes people years to even think about talking about what had happened to him. The way he grew up, he had to be strong, and he's got a great partner to help him through this." Zan said and then yawned. Kyo nodded silently in agreement.

"I need a beer." Kyo declared letting a large puff of smoke circle around him as they left the building heading towards the hotel.

"Sorry, but you are gonna have to drink alone tonight bro. I need some sleep like no other."

"Awe come on" Kyo whined. Something only Zan knew the other was capable of doing.

"Sorry. No."

"But I haven't had a drink since I got here!" The two continued on towards their hotel quietly arguing with each other.

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END PART ONE

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AN: ok so that is the end of part one. There is a part two and I can't decide if I want to just keep going with this one, or just do a second story. They really are entwined as a lot of loose ends get tied in the next part. Not to mention I haven't even gotten to the part that makes this fic rated so high… :hides:

But it has been brought to my attention that ending it here would be wise.

I really do listen to my reviewers; it's just that in most cases I can't really change around what I have already written. But splitting the thing in two makes no difference to me.

So tell me what you think.

Also, I am a vampire. Reviews equal blood. "I vant to read your reviews!"


	8. part two

Yeah so I lied. I'm just going to continue with this one… :Grins:

Also much of this is inspired by AFI's December underground.

Thanks to all the reviewers. They really pulled me through a few hard chapters that lie ahead. Silenceinlight, laustic, Fra, AkraNyx, ShinigamixGirl, Gcbella19, Tinker-Bell-Greenleaf, Kaouri18, emina, catgrl106.

Sorry that the review thanks is so short but I got 4 hours of sleep last night, and I have been up for 18 hours…. So very tired. I'll make it up to you, next time you all review. Lol

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PART TWO

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Tsuzuki took Hisoka home a week later; Watari and Tatsumi had given strict orders for Tsuzuki not to leave Hisoka's side. Which wasn't really a problem as the two didn't really want to leave each other's sides anyway.

Hisoka was glad that Tsuzuki didn't even think to ask if they would be sleeping in the same bed. Hisoka did not look forward to the nightmares that Muraki would undoubtedly be sending him.

Hisoka had long since discovered that his empathy was some how slightly immune, or perhaps tolerant, to his elder partner. And having Tsuzuki there next to him as he began to drift off was quite the relief.

When Hisoka next woke it was 2:30 in the morning and Tsuzuki was fast asleep next to him. Hisoka thought about what must have woken him, but he could remember no dream, His body was hot and his leg wanted to move but Hisoka kept it still for his partner's sake.

At three Hisoka realized there was something wrong. He was burning up and there was an ache in his chest and much to his chagrin, groin as well. When he looked at the beautiful man next to him he let out a low guttural moan, those eyelashes, that chin, his chest. Hisoka laid his hand on Tsuzuki's chest not knowing what he was doing exactly, but it felt somehow right.

When his hand slipped in to the shirt passed the upper portion that remained unbuttoned. His hot delicate hand on Tsuzuki's cool chest, it was like his fingertips had grazed their equivalent to heaven, soon the need for more of his skin to make contact arose, he pulled himself onto the man, staring intently into Tsuzuki's face as his arm sought to explore the other's chest.

He knew what he was doing was wrong, but it was as if he was addicted to the contact. Even still, this was not enough. Soon Tsuzuki began to stir.

"Hisoka" Tsuzuki groggily asked.

"Tsu…" Hisoka could barely believe he had lowered his head placing a tender kiss on those lush lips. Needing to taste.

Tsuzuki woke in a flash and roughly pushing the whining and mewling Hisoka off of him.

"Hisoka! You are not ready for this yet."

"Tsuzuki it's been a week. I need you. I need you." He repeated as he lay back on his side of the bed seductively and reached out to pull the now sitting Tsuzuki down on top of him. But Tsuzuki resisted. The sight of the wanton teen, flushing his face and tightening his groin. But it was entirely too soon. They still had a lot to work out. A lot to lead up to a stable relationship.

"I'm sorry Hisoka, no." Tsuzuki watched as the fevered Hisoka pulled on the neck of his entirely too baggy t shirt as if to cool off, before forgetting it entirely and just pulled the offending clothing off all together. He lay on the bed writhing as he rubbed his burning neck.

"Pleeaase." Hisoka moaned out. His groin straining against the cloth, he needed release and he needed it soon, he was so hot. Where had this heat come from? Hisoka reached out again needing to feel Tsuzuki's cool skin against his burning flesh. Tsuzuki rolled over and fished something from the neatly folded clothes that sat next to the bed. Having retrieved the cell, he brought it up and began dialing Watari's number.

"Moshi-mosh…do you realize what time it is?!"

"Gomen Watari, but there is something wrong with Hisoka," immediately Tsuzuki could hear the alertness snap into the scientist's voice.

"Nani? What is wrong with him? Is he ok?"

"Well I think… he is in heat or something." Tsuzuki said as Hisoka had now latched himself onto Tsuzuki, arms around him as he tried to unbutton Tsuzuki's pajama top, growling as he met with difficulty and Tsuzuki's hands pushing him away.

"Please, Tsuzuki." Hisoka panted.

"I think it is a remnant of Muraki's spell or whatever. Because he is really… eek!" Tsuzuki squeaked as he felt a hot tongue lavish his newly freed chest pausing to suck and nip on a nipple.

"HISOKA! I said STOP!" With a final shove Tsuzuki pushed Hisoka off of him, and watched as Hisoka lay where he had fallen on the bed. Hisoka curled into himself and brought the sheets with him to hide his now crying eyes, as he panted out breaths that seemed to let off steam.

"Hisoka? I'm sorry…" Tsuzuki reached out a hand, but Hisoka slapped it way.

"No I'm…ha….ha….Sorry Tsuzuki. I just need..." Hisoka shot up and ran into the bathroom.

"TSUZUKI?! WHATS GOING ON?" Watari was screeching over the line. Tsuzuki picked up the neglected phone.

"He just started crying and ran into the bathroom. He looks really bad Watari, what should I do?"

"I'll be right over ok? Just sit tight." Click. Tsuzuki set down the phone and made his way to the bathroom door. He knocked gingerly.

"Hisoka?"

"Just go away Tsuzuki!" The high-pitched voice escaped Hisoka involuntarily. He had quickly lost his pajama bottoms as he entered, and then locked the bathroom. Now completely naked he began to touch himself, trying to relieve some of the tension. His hand caressed the burning flesh between his thighs, imagining it was Tsuzuki doing this to him.

But as he continued it wasn't enough, he let out a strangled cry as he realized it wasn't enough and it felt like it never would be enough. He looked around the room franticly.

Knowing instinctually what would help, his eyes settled on a razor and he abandoned his groin, grabbed the offending piece of plastic and ripped it apart holding the metal between two fragile fingers. He brought the blade down, 'where… where should I'. He settled on the thigh and slid the blade across, trying not to think as he did it. Leaving a long deep gash.

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Watari arrived to a near frantic Tsuzuki saying that Hisoka had locked himself in the bathroom about 10 minutes ago. He kept shouting for Tsuzuki to leave him alone. Tsuzuki was so worried he didn't know what to do.

Watari now pounded on the door.

"Hisoka! Let us in right now." The stern voice was something new for Watari and it made Tsuzuki hope for Hisoka's sake, he would unlock the door.

"Go away Watari." Came the faint reply. Tsuzuki began pounding on the door to break it down, worry brought to a new level at the tone of Hisoka's voice. He barreled at the door a final time before it slammed open.

There sat a naked Hisoka curled against the wall hugging his knees to his chest, eyes half lidded, in a puddle of blood. Tsuzuki gasped and rushed forward only to be stopped by Watari before he could reach him. Watari bent down and easily took the blade from the small shaking hand, Hisoka looked tired, drained; yet sated.

He lifted Hisoka by his armpits and set him on the toilette. As Hisoka's limbs unfurled Tsuzuki and Watari both gasped. Long deep gashes marred the young shinigami's thighs, his legs almost completely covered in blood. But even as they watched, the deep wounds were knitting themselves back together.

"Hisoka! What did you do?" Tsuzuki asked, as he looked at the amount of blood the teen had lost. Hisoka buried his face in his hands and began sobbing uncontrollably. Watari plucked around in his bag that he had brought and brought out a syringe. Quickly he swabbed Hisoka's arm with the alcohol wipe and injected the contents of the syringe into his arm. Almost immediately Hisoka fell forward. Watari caught him, Hisoka's head resting on his shoulder.

"Tsuzuki could you run a bath and throw some towels over this blood so no one slips? Make sure the water is tepid. He is burning up." Tsuzuki nodded and set to work immediately while Watari had his phone open, dialing with one hand as the other steadied Hisoka.

"YOU ARE KIDDING ME RIGHT? DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?!" A shout rang out through the line so loud that even Tsuzuki heard.

"Shut up! I need to talk to Zan right now." Watari heard muffled grumbling and then a sleepy voice came on the line.

"Mosh mosh."

"Zan I am sorry to disturb you but I need you to come to Hisoka's right away please."

"Got it. I'll be there in five." They hung up collectively and Watari lifted Hisoka from his seat and with Tsuzuki's help they lowered the unconscious Hisoka into the bath water.

Hisoka reacted with a resounding groan, feebly lifting his arm to grasp the edge of the tub to get out, but Watari's hand kept him in place. The water quickly turned pink with blood. Watari let out a long-winded sigh.

"Damn Tsuzuki…This kid has the worst luck imaginable." Tsuzuki stormed out of the room immediately falling to his knees and punching the floor.

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Zan came accompanied by a grumpy Kyo. They listened to the account gravely, as Hisoka lay unconscious in the bed, paler than usual.

"I will need to venture back into his mind." Zan admitted. "Lets just wait till the sun comes up and he is less sedated, I need a cup of coffee now."

They waited for dawn tensely watching the boy, not really wanting to return him to the infirmary, Hisoka and Tsuzuki had been so happy when Watari had said he could leave.

Kyo and Zan watched over Tsuzuki who refused to leave the boys side. Currently Tsuzuki was sitting on the bed his arm gripped in a vice like fashion by Hisoka as he lay curled on his side, still shivering and periodically moaning from fright of some other unseen demon that was haunting his sleep.

Watari could not take the boys predicament of being subjected to his nightmares, as he himself had sedated him and inadvertently trapped him in that dream world. He called Tatsumi, knowing the older man would want to be called. Watari had told him of everything that had happened over the phone and Tatsumi had rushed over.

When he arrived at the house, Watari was out side on the swinging bench crying.

"Watari." Tatsumi rushed up and embraced the disheveled and depressed man.

"I'm all right Tatsumi, it's just I can't take this anymore. Watching my friends slowly being destroyed by that abomination Muraki. Did you talk to the chief? Did he talk to Enma? This has to stop. He HAS to be stopped. That poor boy! I can't imagine that he will ever be alright with everything… everything that has happened to him." More tears fell and he hugged Tatsumi fiercely, needing some kind of support that he hadn't been sure he needed until that moment.

"I am just run ragged," Watari let out a sad laugh. "With everything that is happening like Kyo and Zan coming back. Every time I see them and Hisoka, I am reminded of Jem's face, begging for release. Begging for death. And. and Tsuzuki… how absolutely depressed he is…"

"I was wondering when you would break down from all this. You need to take a deep breath and let your mind settle. It's going a million miles an hour right now." Watari took a long shaky breath. They parted and sat next to each other on the bench.

"I did talk to the chief but he hasn't talked to Enma yet. But I agree that Muraki must be stopped. For now lets focus on getting Hisoka into a stable frame of mind all right? Let's just be there for them. Zan will know what to do." Watari nodded.

They sat in companionable silence until the sky turned a rosy pink heralding in the new day. They went back into Hisoka's apartment and started the coffee machine again. When they brought the coffee into Hisoka's bedroom, and gave a mug to Kyo, Zan and Tsuzuki." Zan who had already drank a half a pot of coffee stood and made his way to the bathroom. Kyo gulped down his boiling beverage and set the mug down.

"You freak." Watari said at the man who shouldn't be able to talk from the scalding black coffee.

"Blacker than the devils hoofs, and just as hot. That's how I like my coffee." Kyo smiled. Watari sat next to Kyo where Zan had earlier been seated. Kyo warily raised an eye at the blond but said nothing.

"I have something to say. Something I should have said a long time ago." Watari set his mug down on the nightstand. "I'm sorry." Kyo shook his head as if to say don't worry about it but Watari interrupted him.

"I'm sorry for blaming Jem's death on you, I'm sorry for always treating you sourly because of it. I knew it was childish and really I have no excuse. I was just in pain. And after you said that about how useless I was and how that's why Jem went crazy, because he had to pick up my slack… It hurt… because you were right."

"Watari-"

"No Kyo, you were right. And I am sorry I attacked you with that potion, and exploiting your weakness. And also, I want to thank you. Thank you for setting Jem free from his misery and for being so kind to him. And also thank you for helping Hisoka. My disdain for you had always been childish and I'm sorry."

"Watari, It's my job. I put up with grieving partners quite a lot. So I should have been able to handle it when you started throwing out those barbs, but I couldn't. I'm the one that should be saying sorry."

"Now kiss and make up!" Watari and Kyo looked at Zan as he stood a huge grin on his face holding his still cooling coffee. The two scoffed and Watari stood and gave Zan back his seat and went and sat next to Tatsumi who placed a hand on the scientist's shoulder.

"Tsuzuki?"

"Hmm?" The brunette looked up from where he was completely absorbed in looking at Hisoka's face with so much love.

"It's time. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes definitely."

"Alright. Zan brought his chair closer to the bed and laid a hand on the sleeping boy's hand and his other hand held Tsuzuki's, while Tsuzuki mimicked Zan

"Tsuzuki is going in with you?" Tatsumi questioned. The three that had already discussed it nodded.

"I think it might be of benefit to Hisoka. Remember Tsuzuki, look for any signs of Muraki, anything that might symbolize him, also if he truly is having a nightmare it may get pretty ugly. You need to be prepared. Just remember that it is Hisoka's dream." Tsuzuki nodded at Zan

"All right close your eyes and wait for my call."


	9. Chapter 9

To the mysterious k: Thank you for that, I always thought 'brang' sounded funny, corrections have been made, here's to a public education!

laustic: intense is what I aim for! Thank you!

Kaouri18: He certainly doesn't but that's what's so fun. :I am a sadistic bitch, I know: Hope this chapter pleases you.

catgrl106: I love the prospect of neko Hisoka :Plot bunnies scamper through mind: NO stop you damn bunnies!

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Tsuzuki felt a tug at the back of his mind and was pulled into a windless whirl of black. When he opened his eyes struggled to focus, but there was nothing to focus on except Zan was standing right next to him.

_Zan placed a hand on Tsuzuki's shoulder._

"_This way." He said sadly, Tsuzuki suspected that Zan was already sensing something very bad. Soon doors started appearing floating around at every angle scattered, like they were separate universes in space. Zan placed his hand on several of the doors, trying to sense where Hisoka was._

"_These are most of the kid's memories. Except the recent one's are probably kept closer to the conscious mind so let's head that way. _

_Soon the ground beneath them began to change, no longer black nothingness, it was turning into gravel and a cold wind whipped at the two visitors. The doors became more and more sparse until Zan finally recognized where they were. Walls began to appear as if they were melting back into existence. _

_Tsuzuki saw what Zan had mentioned earlier, some of the walls were earth and somewhere metal. All varying. Different walls that Tsuzuki imagined had once kept Hisoka shut up, they were now serving to shut everything else out. _

_They stumbled upon a small room that had a key against the farthest wall. Zan had to take a moment to steady himself. There was something very ominous about this room._

_It was designed ornately, painted red with black lace hung over it like wallpaper. The carpet was like black sable and a black wrought iron candelabrum offered the only light. It was empty, yet even Tsuzuki could sense that it had been occupied heavily before. _

"_This looks like something of Muraki's making." He spoke out. The name sticking to his tongue like bitter bile._

"_Yes, I certainly could not see Hisoka having part in this room's creation."_

"_They inspected the lock and the rest of the room but found nothing. Returning to the maze they wandered some more until they stumbled into a hall lined with doors, orderly kept unlike the scattered ones of before._

"_These are his more recent memories." The hall seemed to go on and on forever._

_Zan placed his hand on the door. _

"_There is something blocking me in here. Hisoka must be here some where, I hate to do this but I think we should start checking doors." Tsuzuki nodded._

_They opened the first door and saw what happened last night. It was going much faster and the chronological order made no sense, when they saw Hisoka in the bathroom… cutting him self and… they slammed that door quickly. Neither said anything as they separated and started opening doors._

_Tsuzuki opened one depicting Hisoka's return to the department._

"_HISOKA!!" No answer he closed the door. They kept looking, most of the memories bad. More than a few of Muraki. Tsuzuki was starting to feel nauseas. _

_Zan was some ways ahead of Tsuzuki. When he cried out and slammed the door he had been looking through. Tsuzuki rushed up to him. _

"_Did you find him?" Zan nodded, leaning against the door. Tsuzuki motioned for the door handle. But Zan shook his head fiercely._

"_No Tsuzuki. I don't think that's such a good idea. I'll… I'll get him. You stay here. Tsuzuki wrenched Zan away from the door and barreled into the room. He saw Hisoka, his Hisoka sitting before him watching the memories, his hands on either side of his head to block out the noise but his eyes could not close to the seen as it played out before him. His mouth was open wide in a silent scream. _

_Tsuzuki watched as the other Hisoka, the one his partner was currently remembering was thrashing about on top of a white duvet, Crying out in pain and pleasure. The figure on top of him slapped his face and bit down hard on his shoulder. When the head lifted his face turned and Tsuzuki stopped breathing. It was him._

"_No Tsuzuki that's not you, that's Muraki remember? Now help me get him out of here." Tsuzuki seemed to snap to his senses and he picked up the limp teen and walked from the room. As soon as Hisoka entered into the hall. A loud screeching could be heard. Hisoka clasped his ears tighter and cried out in pain at the noise. _

"_Please! Wake me up I don't want to be in here anymore!" Zan agreed after hearing that foreboding sound and summoned the light that would bring them all back to consciousness. _

When Tsuzuki stepped into that light he was suddenly still seated next to Hisoka in Hisoka's bedroom and Zan was sitting across from them still holding on to their hands.

A low moan erupted from Hisoka, His head turning in against Tsuzuki's thigh. He started shaking even more, almost as if he had gone into shock.

"It's just from the sedative, he is battling it." Watari offered as he went to his bag and provided some smelling salts. After they got him conscious he was still groggy and very out of it. Tears falling from his eyes as he warily looked at every one in the room. Kyo grabbed Tatsumi and Watari, and they left the room quickly.

When Hisoka looked up at Tsuzuki he did nothing as if deciding if this was the real Tsuzuki or not, after a minute he decided it was and once again hid his face in Tsuzuki's thigh and wept.

Tsuzuki rubbed small circles on the teens back to calm him. But he felt like a hypocrite as he himself wanted to scream and throw things.

Zan sat closer.

"Hisoka? Do you know what that noise was?" Hisoka shook his head. Clutching at the fabric of Tsuzuki's pants. Not trusting his voice.

Tsuzuki picked him up under his arms and drew him onto his lap and just hugged the boy. Hisoka's head tucked under Tsuzuki's chin, the boy clung to him still shivering.

"What about that dark room? Have you seen that room before? With the key hole." Hisoka looked up into Zan's eyes with confusion.

"n..no." He croaked out. "I don't know." Zan nodded his head when he heard this.

"Ok that's all right. You just concentrate on feeling better ok? Let us worry about that." Hisoka nodded his eyes fluttering, fighting to stay awake.

Zan left the room. When every one excluding Hisoka and Tsuzuki were sitting in the living room, Zan began. His head bent down hands resting on his knees.

"Hisoka is possessed."

"Damnit!" Kyo said punching the arm of the plush chair he was seated in.

"Are you sure?" Watari asked tears in his amber eyes. Zan nodded

"What does this mean?" Tastumi asked.

"It means that we have to do an exorcism, but we have to wait, because we maxxed out last time when we destroyed the curse."

"What do you mean max out?"

"It really wiped Kyo out spirit energy wise. It can really mess with a person's mind if you aren't careful. I suppose we could do a traditional exorcism. But that can get pretty nasty."

Tatsumi having witnessed an exorcism before shook his head.

"I really don't think we should go that rout. Not with Hisoka's mental state." Kyo nodded in agreement.

"Then what should we do?"

"Well we do have that other, other option." Kyo said eyeing Zan.

"Kyo no. That is too dangerous."

"Well maybe but if we can get some training into the kids, maybe… It wouldn't be that much of a problem…they… He has got the potential. And maybe we could get that old man to come back to Japan, to finally tell the truth. He has been dieing to come back anyways, he is always saying that but he just keeps procrastinating."

"That may not be such a bad idea." Zan admitted as Tatsumi handed him a mug of fresh coffee.

"Mind explaining it to us then?" Tatsumi asked.

"Well my sensei is originally from Japan. I would need to talk to him first. It all depends." Zan shrugged eyeing Kyo. Watari knew something was up. Hell he knew from the beginning they were hiding something. Kyo had just purposefully slipped up in what he was saying. Meaning they were close to revealing what ever they were hiding. So Watari took it upon himself to push further.

"You just said 'they' Kyo… what did you mean? And what's this about telling the truth?"

"What?" Kyo looked at the scientist like a deer caught in the headlights.

"I'm not stupid, what are you two hiding. And why are you hiding it?"

"Look we will tell you when we can, ok? We can't just go and blurt out things unless we are absolutely positive." Zan offered.

"Yeah you brat. Keep that nose to yourself." Kyo folded his arms. He missed the glint that entered into Watari eyes.

"Look. If it could help those two in there, I think we have a right to know!" Watari said, holding his mug in a death grip.

"Watari, calm down. We want to help them too. But we just aren't positive about some things right now. We will let you all know when we know, alright?" Zan said exasperated.

Tatsumi placed his hand on Watari's shoulder to try and calm the scientist.

"Every one's on their last nerve here, ok? We all have to take into accommodation everyone else's tension." Watari took a moment but soon nodded looking back into his mug.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it Gaki! We all know it just means you care for the kid." Kyo said slapping the scientist on the back.

"DON"T CALL ME THAT!"

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"I'm sorry Tsuzuki." Hisoka whispered, still battling with sleep and clinging to his partner.

"Why? Don't be sorry Hisoka. You have nothing to be sorry for." Tsuzuki cupped the side of Hisoka's face and lifted it so that he was looking into those emeralds so full of sadness. "Don't ever say you are sorry about any of this."

Hisoka stared back unsure of what he **was** supposed to say then. But Tsuzuki wasn't expecting anything to come from the blonde's mouth; he simply hugged him, before realization dawned on him.

"Hisoka is this ok? I mean before you were taken, you never really liked it when I touched you. What is different now?" Hisoka stiffened. He didn't want to admit to the man that his touch practically kept him sane. That when Tsuzuki wasn't pouring his warmth and affection into him, that he could feel other hands roaming all over his body. Something in him seemed to tame when he was around Tsuzuki, it was something he noticed that first week in the infirmary after breaking part of his curse.

When Tsuzuki wasn't there his body reacted differently. Always battling his own emotions, and memories. When Tsuzuki was there it was as if his senses were flooded with all things Tsuzuki and there was no room for anything else

"I… I don't know. I mean yes, it's ok. But I don't know why." Hisoka's pride suddenly overwhelmed him and he gingerly peeled himself away from his partner. His body missing the physical contact and made that fact known as suddenly the snippy emotions emitted from the living room hit him full force. If Tsuzuki hadn't been watching his partner carefully he wouldn't have noticed the cringe, but he was, and he did.

"Hisoka maybe the drugs have worn off now. You should try to sleep I'll wake you if I see any signs of a nightmare."

"NO. I'm fine I just need some coffee. Hisoka stood and realized for the first time that he was wearing nothing but a sheet draped around him. He blushed wildly. "Tsuzuki would you please leave the room?"

"No. I won't look Hisoka you can change. But I am not leaving the room." Hisoka's hands balled into fists. But he didn't argue. He clutched the sheet tighter to him and went and rummaged through his drawers and the closet for an outfit.

He settled on his Jeans that were almost a second skin to him and a white long sleeved sweater. It was the softest thing he owned and had been a gift from Wakaba last Christmas.

He hurriedly changed, and slipped on his shoes. He walked briskly from the room. Tsuzuki not having noticed he had finished. Hisoka steadied himself against the wall. But he knew it was only a side affect from the drugs Watari had given him.

He was only slightly worried about what had happened last night for some reason. And when faced with the prospect of emerging into the living room, he had made up his mind that he would act as if nothing had happened.

Tsuzuki finally having noticed Hisoka had gone from the room followed Hisoka out into the living room. It immediately went quiet.

"Subtle." Hisoka commented his face a mask of nothing as he made his way to the coffee machine and poured himself a cup. He stood in the kitchen with the mug and sipped at the bitter taste, only having thought this far ahead.

He was saved from having to break the silence again as Tsuzuki's stomach grumbled loudly. Tsuzuki blushed and scratched the back of his head.

"Ah. He he. Yeah, I guess I'm hungry. Do you guys want me to make something?"

"NO." Was the resounding reply.

"I've got it. Eggs fine with everyone? Good, scrambled eggs it is." Everyone looked at each other. Even though Hisoka wasn't necessarily cheerful, this was still more amiable he had been even before this had all begun.

It was quite obviously a front. But Tsuzuki wasn't going to take that illusion of happiness away from him just yet. He gave a warning glare to the four men seated around Hisoka's coffee table before turning to Hisoka and skipping off to the kitchen.

"'SooooOOOKA! Can I have Sugar fried eggs?" Hisoka huffed.

"Those are disgusting Tsuzuki, No I'm just making scrambled eggs and bacon. You can get the cheese out of the fridge, and I will make cheese eggs for you if you want." An inu Tsuzuki smiled broadly.

"OoooKAY!" The little Tsuzuki skipped off to the fridge.

Hisoka started the pans on heat and eyed the other's warily, all now absorbed in their own world. Heatedly discussing something, something Hisoka was sure that he didn't want to know about

"I need to make a phone call, Hisoka do you mind if I use your phone?"

"No, go ahead." Zan retrieved the phone and departed into one of the vacant rooms shutting the door behind him.

Hisoka shrugged it off and busied himself with making a large meal for all of them. Eggs toast Bacon. It would have been too much if Tsuzuki hadn't have been there. He set the plates before them as they sat at the dining table that Hisoka had never used himself.

When he set a plate and cup of orange juice before Kyo, still with shaky hands. Kyo grabbed his wrist. Hisoka startled more than anything by the fact that he wasn't assaulted by emotions, froze. Kyo slowly looked up into Hisoka's face.

"Hisoka, you need to relax. I understand the need for keeping busy, but just slow down. Hisoka ripped his wrist out of Kyo's grasp.

While Hisoka had been in the Infirmary, he had had plenty of time to make small talk with the red headed exorcist. And there was a certain level of trust that he held with the man, as Kyo had been the first person Hisoka had told about what Muraki had really done to him.

"I… …yes… I know." Hisoka looked down. But hastened away to retrieve Watari's plate.

Zan emerged from the guest room, a new look of determination on his face. He motioned to straiten his tie but forgot that he had neglected to put one on in the wee hours of the morning when he had been summoned so frantically.

"Dr. Joseph Miller will be coming in today to help us out." He stated before sitting down and rubbing his hands together at the site of the delicious meal. "This looks wonderful Hisoka." He smiled at the boy and Hisoka responded with a gruff thanks.

"Joseph is really coming back to Japan?" Tsuzuki said mouth full of bacon, eggs AND toast.

"Tsuzuki that's disgusting" Tatsumi and Hisoka stated flatly in unison. Both exchanged looks. Tsuzuki swallowed a large bite.

"Sorry, but he really is coming back?"

"Yep he said he would teleport here in the early afternoon."

"COOL! Haven't seen the old man in forever." Tsuzuki stated before returning to his meal in earnest. "Soka is such a good cook!" He exclaimed happily while helping himself to a third serving. Tsuzuki appeared to be the only one who could not feel the tension in the air but it was much to the contrary, he just knew that Hisoka needed a little bit of normalcy at the moment.

"Who…" Hisoka asked hesitantly

"He's my Sensei, remember?" Zan said eyeing Hisoka as he bit into a piece of bacon.

"Oh." Hisoka nibbled on his toast unhappy that he was now sitting idle.

"Do you want to talk about last night Hisoka?" Zan asked quietly. The table froze watching Hisoka.

"NO! No… Not right now." Hisoka squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he could go back to forgetting. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up. It was Zan.

"It's ok Hisoka. We all want to help you. And last night? It wasn't anything to be ashamed about. It wasn't your fault." Hisoka stood quickly and ran for his room. Eager to get away from the pity. Pity disgusted him, made him feel weak. He already knew he was weak. He didn't need everyone in that damn room reminding him all the time.

He flung himself down on the bed and pulled the covers up over his head. He knew it was childish but there really wasn't anything else he could do, or anywhere else he could go.

He heard the door open. It was Zan; the lack of emotions gave it away. Hisoka felt the bed dip and a hand was placed on the big lump of blankets.

"Hisoka. I want you to tell me what happened last night. It will make you feel better. Please." Hisoka pulled one edge of the comforter away from his face so he was peaking out of the bundle. If Zan could see him, he would have saw that his face was bright read. Memories of last night attacked him with a barrage of emotions.

"I.. I..I can't."

"Well Tsuzuki told me that you two were sleeping in the same bed."

"Stop."

"Then you woke him up." Zan pushed.

"Stop!"

"He was really worried about you, he said that you were in heat-"

"STOP! JUST STOP." Zan threw the covers off of Hisoka. And hefted him onto his knees to face Zan properly.

"I know exactly what you are doing, you are starting down a long and painful path by trying to pretend that there is nothing wrong, but let me tell you that will lead you no where. You need to wake up!" Hisoka trembled as Zan held him firmly by the shoulders, more tears threatened to fall but Hisoka would not let them.

"Look, I am not some one who you have worked with everyday, I can't say that I even really know you. I mean I do, but it's not as if I've ever seen you unaffected by this. There are three men out there who do know you. And from what I've heard about your life? They know you better than maybe anyone ever has. And they are each willing to do what ever they possibly could to help you. They are trying so hard Hisoka; we all just want to help you. So you need to believe me when I say that shutting it all up inside isn't going to help." There was a long pause

"I…I… just felt wrong… I don't know." He looked down ashamed.

"I was really hot. And I just wanted to feel his skin. His skin seemed to help cool me off. And I was on fire. When … when he pushed me off, I realized what I had been doing. So I went into the bathroom to you know… try to make it stop. But it wasn't working. Nothing was working and I was so hot. So I… I just knew what would make it go away so I cut myself and it did. I could make it stop then." Hisoka leaned away from Zan, but Zan wouldn't let him go. Hisoka was unintentionally radiating self-disgust and Zan couldn't let him continue with that.

"It was the only way I could make it stop." Hisoka really started crying then and Zan started to project comfort as much as he possibly could. He pulled Hisoka into an embrace.

"It's ok Hisoka, It's not your fault. You did what you had to do. You are no different from anyone else if they were put in that situation." Hisoka couldn't say anymore. His tears were choking him and he didn't really know what to say anyway. So Zan held him. Zan remarked to himself how this immortal teen evoked such a strong sense of protection from him.

It was part of his job, you had to be one cold son of a bitch to get away unscathed by this job. But he wasn't, so he had accepted it, and dealt with the ache in his chest as he held the boy.

A little while later, Hisoka finally fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Ugh! I'm doing it again, I introduce some more characters but I promise that these characters will bring more answers than questions. I apologize ahead of time for this horrible chapter…:grumble:

Kaouri18: I'm sorry this took so long, but I promise that things will get better for Hisoka, I'm just pushing him to see how much he can take, and apparently its a lot! Update Photograph! I'm dieing here.

laustic: I love how they seem like a family, don't you. ALSO WAHHH! In My Master's Harem has me hanging by a thread please please please update soon!

Sailorlight22: hehe :blushes: I am so glad you think their emotions are spot on; I was very worried about that. As for the writing style? Gleee you put me in a happy place with your words!

catgrl106: I know, but Hisoka is pretty strong he can take it! I hope… you are not weird, I think any one would feel that way. But its all building up towards something, trust me.

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Dr. Joseph Steven Miller appeared to be an old man, and in fact he was a very old man almost at the age of 73 in appearance, and almost 300 years of age in reality. His long snow-white hair was frazzled as that of an old man, and his face was littered with wrinkles that spoke of how often the man must have laughed in his life. He wore a gray suit; so old it was back in style and black shiny shoes. A small pair of glasses sat on his angular nose, they gave him a definite air of wisdom. The man himself was a little portly, but more from age than anything else.

He arrived at the Japanese division Ministry of Hades at approximately 1:30 in the afternoon accompanied by his assistant Miss Danielle Chiste, a tall waif of a woman appearing in her mid thirties, with soft features and sharp eyes. Her dishwater blond hair was pulled back into a crisp neat ponytail and she wore a suit with slacks in a dark maroon, accompanied by heels. She was very attractive but had an air about her that made her unapproachable.

First they reported to Chief Konoe to get a briefing from him and details of what had happened in the history of Hisoka and Tsuzuki's partnership and also they're run ins with Dr. Kazutaka Muraki.

The office had been quiet until 2:30 PM, when Dr. Miller and Miss Christe had left their meeting. As Wakaba was giving the two a tour of the Summons Department there was a resounding crash that shook the very floor beneath their feet. Heads peaked out from cubicles as the noises seemed to mount. Wakaba gave an apologetic smile to the two guests.

As if his spider sense was tingling, Terezuma quickly stood from his desk and made his way out of the building as quickly and discreetly as possible.

"I'm sorry about the noise. Some times it can get a little-"

"WAKABA NEE SAN!!!! WAAAH" The very polite and respectable Wakaba was suddenly tackled from behind. "LOOK WHAT SHE DID!" Yuma was holding on to Wakaba fiercely, preventing the poor girl from turning around and actually seeing what **she** did.

"It was an accident Wakaba! Please I'm so sorry Yuma but I told you to stop moving!" a flustered Saya ran up to the small group, a bit of dirt and root in her long braids, from a flower pot that must have smashed above her head.

"I'm ruined! I can't go out looking like this!"

When Wakaba finally turned around she inspected the girl with the shorter hair. Upon closer inspection Wakaba could see that the bob that Saya had tried to give Yuma was lopsided. Wakaba gasped, lifting the younger looking shinigami's chin to inspect it more clearly.

"Hmmm… I think… yes we can fix this. Don't worry Yuma, it will just be a little shorter than you had expected." Saya's alligator tears slid down her cheeks.

"I trusted her Wakaba! You know what it's like for a girl with her hair. SHE should know what its like, but, but, but she butchered me!" The shrill voice rang throughout the department setting everyone's nerves on edge.

Some one cleared their throat in a very Tatsumi like gesture from behind her, Wakaba's eye twitched as she remembered the task that had been set out before her. If that was Tatsumi... She gulped. Tatsumi was no where to be seen

"Ahh Dr. Miller, These are two of our agents. This is Miss Saya Torii and Yuma Fukiya." Dr. Miller bowed deeply and took Yuma's hand and kissed it.

"My dear, that hair cut is very popular in Berlin right now. Perhaps you should shorten that one side a little more?" The man grinned. Behind him His assistant sweat dropped.

"You really think so? We are from Hokkaido so we don't get to see what the girls are really sporting on the city streets but… really?" Miss Christe cleared her throat again. Wakaba shivered at the similarity it bore to Tatsumi's.

"Dr. Miller, We have yet to meet with the client sir. We should be on our way."

"Oh Danny, please refrain from calling them our clients. One of the gentlemen in question, I've known for almost one hundred years."

"Of course Dr. Miller. I understand, but however it is my understanding that you must still meet with Zan san and Kyo san before you see the client- I mean Tsuzuki san and Hisoka san."

"Alright, alright Danny."

"Oh, Tsuzuki and Hisoka?" Saya offered. Both girls calmed at the turn in conversation.

"You have known Tsuzuki san that long? Wow. Well we don't want to keep you then. Sorry for the interruption." They bowed politely to Dr. Miller and Miss Christe before turning around and walking towards the break room.

"What polite young girls." Dr. Miller remarked smiling broadly. Wakaba inadvertently snorted, but covered it up quickly and resumed with the tour.

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"Are you alright Hisoka? You look a little pale." Tsuzuki's concern immediately lit Hisoka's face with a blush. "Ahh that's better!" The elder hugged Hisoka causing the boy to blush even more.

The two were sitting in one of the empty conferences rooms. Not the most comfortable of places to be waiting for the esteemed Dr. Miller, but Hisoka's empathy was on the fritz and it felt like every one in the office was watching his every move, which they were, out of concern, but to Hisoka it felt more like pity.

The door opened and Zan entered. Followed by an old man leaning heavily on a cane and a tall blond holding a briefcase. Tsuzuki jumped up and greeted the old man.

"Joseph sensei! So nice to see you again. He stuck his hand out and shook it, still a little awkward with the western greeting. He scratched the back of his head in genuine happiness at the site of the old friend.

"It has been quite some time, hasn't it Asato Kun."

"Almost twenty years. You kept saying in your letters: next year, next year. Yet you never returned, still the old procrastinating fool?" The old man grinned impishly.

"Ever the observant one, I brought you a present Tsuzuki." The old man withdrew a plastic container with a cake of some sort inside. "I brought what you have been begging me to send you for 30 years now. Gabianne's has closed but on occasion I still ask Fern to whip me up something. So here is her famous Tiramisu." Tsuzuki squealed, grabbed at the pastry and dug in. Hisoka did not expect to witness Tsuzuki slowly savoring it however. He was amazed that the inu had such self-control

"And you must be Mr. Hisoka?" The old man ruffled the teen's hair. Hisoka proceeded to blush deeply. It seems he had been doing that a lot lately. "I've been told you have had a run with a bad man recently, and now you are having some troubles." Hisoka fumed at being talked down to like a child, but kept his shields high, he seemed to recall Zan saying this man was an Empath as well.

Hisoka felt a little worried at that prospect, He always thanked EnMa that there were no other empaths around to read him and his emotions, now there were two. And it seemed that most, no, all of their attention was on him. He shifted, looking from Zan back to the doctor, feeling quite uncomfortable under their gaze.

"As you might have guessed, I am Dr. Joseph Miller, and this is my assistant Miss Danielle Christe, you can just call her Danny." At those words "Danny's" eyes darkened and Hisoka could feel the hairs on his neck stand on end. He quickly bowed.

"It's Nice to meet you Dr. Miller, Miss Christe." The blond bombshell's feathers seemed too unruffled when she discovered that Hisoka was not as crass as her employer, Zan or Tsuzuki.

"Come now, maybe this room is too comfortable, is there any where else the young man would be a bit more at ease?" Hisoka wanted to run, fearing what would be coming next and also despising the attention. There really was nowhere that he truly felt "comfortable" except…

"I already talked to the GuSho Shins and they said there is a nice comfortable room we can take tea in, located at the library." Zan smiled broadly. Hisoka's eye twitched, that man was infuriating. He must have slipped with his shields because the old man let out a low chuckle.

"All right Zan you lead the way," The old man gave his cane to Miss Christe and latched on to Hisoka's arm. He was somewhat relieved and somewhat perturbed to find no emotion being emitted from the elder. It also disturbed him that a very powerful empath was now latched on to his arm. He felt that if the old man wanted to see his thoughts, Hisoka would probably never even know.

"Don't worry, Hisoka I wont delve into your mind without permission."

"Some how that statement doesn't seem to hold truth in it."

"Actually, your body language is quite telling, you don't need to be an empath to figure out what you are thinking, let alone feeling." Hisoka began to follow Zan not knowing what to say, he looked behind his shoulder, knowing it would be futile to ask Tsuzuki for help with such a magnificent dessert set before him. Hisoka realized that, No doubt, it had been part of the old man's plan all along.

They walked comfortably out of the building through the sakura grove to the library. Hisoka almost exhausted by the time they got there from trying to keep his shields as impenetrable as possible.

"Zan tells me you spend a lot of your time at the library, is that right Hisoka?" Miss Christe seemed to take note of the conversation.

"Yes sir. I have been told by a few of my coworkers that I am a bit of a bookworm." The old man nodded, deep in thought.

When they arrived at their allocated destination, Hisoka recognized it as one of the newer, and nicer sitting rooms, designed for small gatherings of book loving/research driven shinigami's. A large desk was at the center of the room, but it was clear it could double as a table for which to sit around.

Hisoka helped the old man to the desk chair, and then seated himself on a plush chair next to it. Zan sat opposite him. Miss Christe took a seat right outside the door after setting down the briefcase and cane on the desk.

"Alright, first off, I would like to start by saying, that we, Zan and I have taken an oath, that we can not divulge anything we discuss with you in private with anyone else, unless it is absolutely essential to your health and well being, or you give us permission."

"Isn't it supposed to be completely confidential, no matter my well being?" Hisoka asked thinking of the Hippocratic oath.

"While this is mostly the case, there are some exceptions when dealing with magick using beings and possible possession." Zan offered, trying to placate Hisoka.

"What he is saying kid, is that no, we wont go blabbing all your secrets to everyone, but if there is something that we deem necessary to share, then unfortunately tough luck." The old man pointed out, placing his hands behind his head. Hisoka bit his tongue.

"Alright I want to hear about your child hood first." Hisoka looked up, hardly believing that his childhood was relevant to his current situation. He sighed at their steady gaze. Knowing that they would not back down, and wanting to get out of there as soon as possible he decided to cooperate.

"What about my childhood would you like to know?" He sighed dejectedly.

"Everything you didn't tell Zan. I know all that stuff already." Hisoka tapped his foot in anger. This man was too much.

"Umm… well…"

"How about when they locked you up in the cellar? Eh? How long would that usually last?"

"A couple of days…" Hisoka's eyebrows furrowed.

"That's what you told Zan, now why don't you tell me the truth. Was it months?" Hisoka froze; his blood was beginning to boil. He really didn't like this old man.

"I…I don't-"

"I I I, you you you what?" The old man asked his eyebrows rose in exasperation. Hisoka was really trying to be polite to this guy, but he just kept pushing buttons.

"Look I hardly think that it is even relevant, what happened in my childhood."

"Oh really? You study psychiatry too?"

"Look I'm just saying that-"

"Honestly Hisoka Kun, to me it doesn't sound like you are saying much of anything." The old man sat back in his chair and tapped his pen against the desk. That was it. Hisoka stood up furiously.

"Listen here you old bastard, I was more than willing to cooperate, but forget it if it means having to put up with a moth eaten relic like you. You want to analyze something so bad, well here analyze this!" Hisoka flipped the old man off before stomping towards the door. When he slammed it open Miss Christe was standing there barring his path.

"Excuse me!" The blond didn't move, a look of indifference on her face.

"I said **excuse me**!" He tried to push past her but she only pushed him back into the room. Pissed at the earlier conversation and now his physical weakness. He tried to teleport out of the room, but was shocked to find himself unable to do so. A chill went down his spine as he slowly turned around.

He saw Zan sitting in his seat, his face blank, almost bored. Hisoka was shocked to find that Zan's indifference had actually hurt. The old man sat there squinting at the teen as if trying to figure something out.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!" Hisoka roared. Clenching his fists at his sides.

"Danny?"

"Yes sir." With that she lunged at Hisoka but Hisoka dodged out of the way. She kicked at his head but Hisoka ducked into a crouch swinging his leg around to knock her off her remaining foot. She flipped anticipating the move. Hisoka was seeing red. What the hell was going on? His fear was edged out by the need to protect himself as she swung her fist at him, he dodged it, grabbing her wrist and swung her around so he was behind her twisting the offending arm, but she doubled over and sent him flying over her shoulder. He crashed to the ground knocking the wind out of his lungs. He scrambled to his feet nonetheless.

He kicked at her thigh, he made contact, knowing it would leave a bruise but just as quick she grabbed his foot and pulled, sending him flying back onto the floor, she held the foot to her chest and placed her high heel in the center of his abdomen pushing him into the ground.

"Ugh." He coughed. Before the old man stood and clapped his hands once.

"Alright that's enough Danny." Danny nodded and stuck her hand out to help the heavily breathing teen to his feet. He slapped the hand away and shakily rose.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!" Hisoka shouted, pushing past the woman and rounding on the old man. Zan stood and placed a hand on Hisoka's shoulder.

"I'm sorry Hisoka but that was a kind of test, to determine what you may be possessed by." Zan looked very apologetic but Hisoka was still pissed.

"He is a shinigami right?" Hisoka jabbed his thumb towards the old man.

"Yeah."

"Good so then it wont kill him." Hisoka stated before lunging at the old man, Zan held him back forcing him back into the plush chair he had been seated in earlier. Hisoka glared at the old man.

"Eh he he. Sorry but it needed to happen Hisoka san. I wanted to see if your possessor was fueled by anger or not." The old man walked around the desk to lean against the front of it. He folded his arms and looked down at the teen that was still seething. Zan looked warily between the two before returning to his seat.

Hisoka crossed his arms and sneered at the old man.

"Well do I pass?"


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks everyone for the reviews, sorry I wont be giving thanks here any more, I will thank you all individually with mail. Its really late, I'm really tired. I don't own anything.

AN: This chapter should answer a lot of questions.

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Hisoka crossed his arms and sneered at the old man.

"Well do I pass?"

The old man chuckled. There was a knock at the door.

"Come in Tsuzuki." Said Dr. Miller opening the brief case and extracting a few files. Tsuzuki walked in, he looked at the winded Hisoka and Miss Christe.

"I'm sorry Hisoka…" He looked sheepishly at his partner, as if he knew what had just transpired. He turned to the doctor. "So, have you concluded anything?"

"EH? YOU KNEW?" Hisoka shot out of his seat.

"Ugh… yeah I'm sorry, but they told me it was necessary." Hisoka stood there dumbfounded. Eventually he crossed his arms again and plopped down into his seat.

When Tsuzuki approached Hisoka, the teen turned away. So Tsuzuki simply sat next to him, looking worriedly at him.

"Well this test was inconclusive, but it does lead me to believe that Hisoka is not possessed by just any ordinary demon. An ordinary demon would have capitalized on your anger. This one however, didn't. My number one priority here is to find out what is possessing young mister Hisoka and to exorcise it from him."

"Any other tests like that?" Hisoka asked annoyed. The doctor nodded as he stood, he pulled a chair up from next to the desk and sat right in front of Hisoka.

"Next I would like to poke around in your mind for a bit, see what I see alright? I will be projecting, but try not to be too frightened." Hisoka tensed, ready to bolt out of his seat and towards the door. 'This guy is crazy!'

He felt a strong pair of hands on his shoulders and looked up to see Zan standing over him, holding him in place. Hisoka shot his head around to look at the doctor, an angry glint in his eye, but just as he opened his mouth to give him a piece of his mind the doctor snatched up Hisoka's hand and sent a wave of powerful spirit energy into him.

Hisoka's eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped down towards the doctor, Zan pulled him back up and rested his head onto the back of the chair.

"Joseph? What can I do?"

"Zan will be focusing on creating a dampening field around us and forcing Hisoka into the furthest corner of his mind, so you can help by restraining him if he gets out of hand. The demon may try to show itself, he may be quite powerful. Danny should be able to help you while Zan and I get control over it. This is all hypothetical of course."

The doctor looked up at Zan, who nodded, Dr. Miller wasted no time and delved into Hisoka's mind.

_Walking in through the dark mist, He no longer needed a Cane, as this was his mental self. He ignored the dark chill and the maze of walls and floated up to a level where he could clearly focus on Hisoka's spirit and began to pull himself towards the boy. Since he was not bothering to look through the maze, he pulled himself onto a direct rout to where the boy was located. Through memories, through fears._

_When the boys subconscious became aware of the intrusion, it tried to block him off from his path but the doctor easily diverted the closing walls, exercising his power he simply walked through them._

_When he finally came to the boy, his suspicions were right, the child had Infact fled to the back of his mind, and now he sat cowering in the very room Zan had earlier mentioned. He inspected the room using all of his senses; it was clearly the gate to something dark and wicked. _

_He saw the lock and the door clearly, it wasn't strong as strong as he had thought. The old man ambled over to the entrance, he knew that with his power he could unlock it, but thought better of it. _

_However the very thought reached the cowering child. Hisoka stood running towards the old man, he grabbed the elder's arm and pulled, a look of fear on his face._

"_Please! No you can't PLEASE!" Hisoka was frantic with panic at the prospect. The old man extracted himself from the boy's arms._

"_It's alright Hisoka I won't but I need to look closer ok? You want this to stop right?" The boy nodded his head. "Well I need your help then." Hisoka nodded meekly. The old man knew that if he got too close to the gate, the consequences could be dire. But if he could mask himself…_

_His mind reached out towards Hisoka who only momentarily shied away, The doctor grasped some of the energy from the boy, knowing it would leave him tired later on, after all it was emotional vampiracy. But it wasn't malicious and it had to be done. _

_After shrouding himself with the thinly molded spirit energy he approached the gate, When something reached out and tried to identify him, like soft tendrils of silky hair. When it recognized Hisoka's energy, it began to pull him toward the door. _

_Upon closer inspection he found a symbol in the lace work that he hadn't noticed before, it was a black symbol and it raised in him fear and worry. He found a hidden knob beneath the symbol and pulled it, as if it were a pinball lever._

_The wall opposite the door opened and out swiveled a black sinister looking clock. He extracting himself from the hold of the gate, that he now had no doubt held the demon in._

_When he approached the clock a shutter opened and a little black bird popped out on a stick. It was a cuckoo clock. He looked at the face of the clock that was moving particularly slowly. When he reached out to touch it, the little wooden bird shrieked._

_The noise rose in volume, and it was a terrifying noise. It roared through Hisoka's mind. Dr. Miller spun around; Hisoka was kneeling on the floor clutching at his head._

_Dr. Miller immediately opened a portal that led out of Hisoka's mind and flung him out of it._

When he was back sitting before Hisoka he sent another pulse of energy at the boy, who instantly woke up. Hisoka leant forward clutching at his head, an intense migraine wracking his brain. He cried out as the pain washed over him.

"Danny? My suitcase." The old man asked. Zan took Hisoka's head in his hands and started to massage the temples, sending him vibes of comfort and care. When he received the case, he opened it and pulled out a vial and a plastic container containing a needle. He withdrew both and filled the needle almost completely full. He injected it into Hisoka's deltoid, and soon Hisoka's anguished cries dimmed. And his breathing became slower.

After the shot had been with drawn, Tsuzuki pulled the now docile Hisoka into his lap, simply embracing him and petting his head where he had been clutching a moment ago.

"What happened Joseph?" Zan asked having had a hard time pushing Hisoka into his mind, no doubt because he was now quite the powerful empath.

"Well I have discovered what type of demon it is, why it is there and even when it will make its next move." The old man looked especially winded. "He will be tired for the rest of the day, as the pain killer I gave him is a special blend for empathy and I also used some of his energy to discern the gate of the demon."

"Why did you pull out so quickly?"

"The demon found out I was there."

"So what is it?" Tsuzuki asked rocking the blank eyed boy gently. Dr. Miller just observed them a moment before answering.

"First I think it might be relevant to get him to the infirmary so he can lay down, then I will reveal what has to be done, alright?" Tsuzuki nodded warily. "Don't worry Tsuzuki, this can be fixed."

He looked into Hisoka's blank eyes, a shiver ran down his spine at the memory of other times he had worn that look.

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Hisoka was now lying in the bed catatonic. Dr. Miller assured Watari that the boy would not be dreaming or having any nightmares while he was out, but for some reason the boy resisted sleep, opting for a blank stare at the ceiling.

Tsuzuki hadn't left his side once, since the doctor's investigation into Hisoka's mind. Watari Zan and Kyo now all stood around the doctor, Tsuzuki and Hisoka.

"Its almost sunset so we must go into action immediately. An incubus possesses Hisoka. The incubus has some control over him at night, from the dusk until daybreak." Tsuzuki gripped Hisoka's hand tighter.

"While I don't think that this demon is any more powerful than any other, we must exercise extreme caution when dealing with it. Since you all destroyed the curse, it has left Hisoka's mind a little weak in that his normal defenses to protect himself are down, as you can see here. This was caused by a simple warning that the demon made as I investigated."

"An incubus…" Tatsumi repeated, running his hand over his face suddenly very tired of the whole situation.

"What do we need to do?" Watari asked determinedly.

"Tonight I want to start the Exorcism."

"Tonight?" Tsuzuki asked shrilly. "You just said that he is exhausted from earlier!"

"Yes, but it appears that this demon has been possessing him for far longer than it should have. By all rights he should be dead… again…. right now. Something had been taming the demon before, something that had to do with the curse, now it is free to wreak havoc on him. He is strong; his empathy is great, so much so that it has taken over binding the demon. It's a wonder that the child was still conscious. But the empathy was only able to do so much, and at night, he can't control the demons natural increase in power." The old man stood bracing himself on the back of the chair.

"Muraki… He had this planned from the very beginning." Tsuzuki spit out.

"Regardless if we let this continue further, I'm afraid that the demon will do irreparable damage to his psyche. It has to be tonight."

"But Doctor, Kyo has already exhausted his excess of spiritual energy." Watari pointed out.

"I know, that is why… Tsuzuki must be taught how to manipulate atonement energy, like Kyo."

"What, what do you mean" Tatsumi asked on behalf of the pale violet eyed shinigami.

"Tsuzuki, it's time you know the truth. You are a descendant of Cain."

Watari and Tatsumi both stood stunned, and Kyo and Zan looked at Tsuzuki as if waiting for the outburst.

"What?" Tsuzuki asked meekly and fearfully. Tatsumi watched the shinigami worry clearly written on his face.

"Do you know of Cain from the Bible?"

"Yes. No." Said Tsuzuki, Watari's hand was on his shoulder fully comprehending the ramifications of Tsuzuki's heritage.

"Well Cain committed the first murder, after killing his brother Able, in a fit of jealousy. His blood has forever been cursed." The Doctor shifted uncomfortably "I should have told you sooner, but I only found out recently"

"How recently" Tatsumi asked a bit menacingly.

"I found out… in 1950 something or other…" Tsuzuki seemed to hunch forward.

"That's not exactly recently." Tatsumi's tone is filled with spite.

"But In that ceremony we did before, you called to angels didn't you? How is it that Kyo and now Tsuzuki have the power to call down the angels if you are indeed descendants of Cain?" Watari asked his mind swinging into gear.

"Well it's kind of complicated, descendants of Cain can ask for an angels help because they are driven to make up for that sin… It's cruel, but Cain's descendants have the most to prove in the eyes of god. Still it's a different kind of power, one that I still don't grasp completely, I only know that we are cursed to fight for all that is good. Not that that's bad it's just… something we have to do before we can reach atonement. Our own souls won't find peace until that time comes."

"So you neglected to tell Tsuzuki this why? After years of torment over not knowing what he is…" Tatsumi was fuming on behalf of the brunette man sitting before him,

"We didn't tell Tsuzuki because one can still atone, just by fighting evil. Tsuzuki it seemed was driven enough." The old man looked away. "But then I heard what had happened in Kyoto, and my mind was made up to tell Tsuzuki the truth. There are no excuses for my delay since then, and I'm sorry."

"You heard about Kyoto?" Watari asked, almost afraid. "How did the events that unfolded there, change your mind?"

"If Tsuzuki had died then, he would not have atoned for Cain's sins, and would have gone to hell."

"…." The group was shocked

"And how long exactly would you have waited to tell him this?!" Tatsumi asked, a frightening tone to his voice.

"Tatsumi, stop. This is for Hisoka, I want to help Hisoka so…" Tsuzuki draws a shaky breath "What do I need to do."

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Hisoka blinks a few times, feeling more tired than he has been in years, which is quite the accomplishment. He tries to get up but finds he can't move, he struggled franticly before he realizes he's been restrained. What happened?

He looks around the infirmary and finds no one, something is terribly wrong. The normal background buzz and emotions of the department are missing. But that's not too unusual. It's dark outside, everyone probably went home.

'They left me here. Restrained and alone.' The prospect sends him reeling into depression. He moans and moves onto his side, curling up into a ball only partially, due to the restraints. He is sick to his stomach for being so weak. They needed rest too after all, and who wants to look after a sickly kid all the time. He tries to shake the depression away, tries to be strong. After all, he should be used to this. And after pushing them all away, he finally got what he wanted. They were treating him as an adult.

He lays there in silence for a while until he feels his leg is starting to move in a nervous twitch. He sits up as much as he could and begins to panic. The heat he had felt last night was slowly starting to spread through him. He tried to calm his heavy breathing 'You can do this Hisoka' He lay back down concentrating on his breathing for a long while. Feeling the heat spread through him like a wild fire. His breathing became quicker, he silently thanked god that there was no one here to witness him, in the throes of this damned demon.

He pulled on the straps, wondering if he could get them free. He groaned, as they wouldn't budge. Tears began to form at the corner of his eyes before he turned his head to wipe them on the pillow. 'I have been through worse than this' his face set in strong resolve.

Moments later, that resolve came crashing down. Tsuzuki and Kyo entered the room. Followed by the doctor and Zan.

There was a moment of relief at the fact that he wasn't alone, but that didn't last very long. 'no no no I cant do this with Tsuzuki here'

"Please, don't come near me, Tsuzuki, Please." Tsuzuki looked sad at the words, but there was an underlying sadness too that seemed to permeate his being, some thing was wrong and Hisoka longed to reach out and ask him what was the matter, but he didn't. "PLEASE!" He cried out as the others emotions began to fill him. Tears now streaming down his face.

The others made them selves comfortable and waited.

Zan went to the bed and sat down he tried to pour comfort into him, placed his hand on the boys forehead, sweeping his sweaty bangs out of his eyes, wiping away a stray tear.

"Shhhh, we are going to fix this Hisoka." Hisoka pulled away from the simple touch as it ignited an even greater flame in him.

" Ok let's get started." Kyo began. He lifted an object that drove fear into him, just from the memory of pain. It was that damned quilt, he tried to hide his fear but was failing miserably.

"Don't worry Hisoka, Everything will be alright." The words came from Zan, but Hisoka found himself wanting those words to be coming from Tsuzuki's mouth.


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks for the reviews. Sorry this is so short.

I no own, you no sue

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They placed the blanket over the shivering immortal teen. Its majestic beauty adding a sense of surrealism. Hisoka struggled to throw it off, and yet he didn't know why. Yes, he was terrified of what was to come, but he would honestly deal with that if it meant this could all end.

He supposed it was the demon then, and grit his teeth to repress the beast within him. Trying to take his mind off of the fear and rising panic, he began asking questions.

"I suppose you know what we are dealing with then?"

All eyes turned to the doctor, who merely nodded.

"An incubus." Hisoka's mind reeled.

"Of course… Next time I'm going to put in a request to Muraki for something more along the lines of Segadaleus, just to you know, fend off the utter humiliation." Hisoka chuckled at the lack of response from the group. A strange sense of satisfaction bubbled up in him as he made that remark, as if he had just tried on a new mask that was to his liking.

He looked around the quiet bunch and sighed. He was beginning to become sick and tired of their worried faces.

"Hello? I am still here, and still possessed." The group seemed to snap out of it. The doctor's eyes darkened at the change in Hisoka's behavior, but hell, he could always just pawn it off on the demon, later on.

He would be keeping his pride, thank you very much. And at the moment the only way to do that was by making cutting remarks.

He looked warily at Tsuzuki, who was avoiding eye contact. He felt a sharp pain in his chest and looked away.

Hisoka looked at the man before him. It was Kyo, a furrow in his brow.

"If you have some thing to say, just say it."

Kyo merely shook his head and turned away, and Hisoka found himself laughing. The act lifting his spirits, he didn't care if this was the demon, it felt better than being afraid. But when Tsuzuki approached the bed Hisoka was reminded of the others feelings.

Surely this change in attitude would upset Tsuzuki, and for that Hisoka looked away in shame.

"Get on with it." He forced through gritted teeth. Kyo stepped next to Tsuzuki.

"Yes I think we should, you ready?" Kyo asked Tsuzuki. Hisoka's head shot up to look at his mentioned partner. He didn't say anything however.

"Now focus all that dark energy into the blanket." Hisoka tried to take his mind off of what would happen and he inspected his partner. He tried to pry Tsuzuki's shields down, he wanted to see what his partner was feeling, when he finally pried open the shields far enough for some emotion to get through. He was shocked to find that Tsuzuki was ashamed.

It felt… Tsuzuki was ashamed of him. A pain in Hisoka's chest caused his breath to hitch, and a single tear fell from his eye. He berated himself for being so weak and chose instead to stare blankly at the wall instead of listening to the others around him.

He had to put away his feelings for Tsuzuki, as they were surely the only thing that could break him. As far as he was concerned, his heart would now remain as that of stone, strong, heavy, and cold.

He watched the wall as it eerily began to reflect the glow of the blanket. 'You know… that is an odd talisman against evil, It would be almost comical if it weren't as menacing. 'I bestow upon you my greatest gift to smite evil, a blanket!' he smirked at his own little joke.

Suddenly all was pain, he had been expecting it but it still came as surprise. It felt like his mind had been torn open, a double barrel shot gun would have been easier.

He could make out the chanting and he spared them a glance through his pain. His pleading for it to end, remained unvoiced. Tsuzuki stood bathed in light and for a moment Hisoka was confused, but as the pain in his skull increased, he blacked out before he could even finish the thought.

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Tsuzuki was doing everything that Kyo had told him to do, concentrating on that dark energy that he had always known was there, but didn't know or want to figure out how to use it.

Kyo had quickly talked through the procedure earlier, they wouldn't have enough time to teach Tsuzuki how to manipulate his powers now, but he could manifest them. When he had first felt the tendrils of darkness sweep over him he nearly pushed them down in fear.

'This is for Hisoka' he thought to himself there isn't any time to fear what ever this is inside me, and if Kyo could do it, then so could he.

Tsuzuki would be dredging the immense power up from his soul and then Zan would act as the conduit between him and Kyo, transferring the power to the one who could manipulate it.

When Tsuzuki had discovered that he and Kyo were alike, a great relief had come over him. It was as if he weren't alone in the world anymore. But at the same time, he felt him self distanced from everyone he had been close to… Hisoka.

Even if this distances us, he would still need to help him. 'I owe him that much after all Muraki had done.'

Tsuzuki was terrified at the dark power that now coursed through him, he was vaguely aware of the others standing around him. Wave after wave flowed out of him, intense power that that had been his shadow, all through his life.

Zan and Kyo had said that they wouldn't let him lose control of that power. And he trusted them. His mind froze in fear.

He completely trusted them. What if they were working for Muraki? What if this was all a part of his plan?

Tsuzuki knew what the doctor wanted; he wanted Hisoka out of the picture. And wouldn't it be perfect if he had some how figured out a way to get Tsuzuki to do it? To get Tsuzuki to finally accept that he was evil and in the process destroy… murder Hisoka?

He felt a calming force press on the back of his mind. And Zan's voice filtered in to his thoughts.

'Tsuzuki, I promise that we are not working for that Muraki bastard, we want nothing more than to help you and Hisoka, Now you have to focus your energy, you are doing well' Tsuzuki nodded and continued on.

What else could he do? He would have to trust these two, if he were to get Hisoka back.

He felt a pulling sensation on his mind and suddenly as if some one had stoppered up the sink, the dark power was filling him up. Zan was coaching him through the process of stopping the flow of power and slowly but very surely, it went from a raging torrent to a trickle. When finally he had stopped all flow, he swayed on his feet feeling winded and dizzy. Hands guided him down to sit in a chair and blindly he sought Hisoka's hand.

When he opened his sleepy eyes, he saw that Hisoka was wide-eyed and staring at him, trembling like an autumn leaf about to fall.

"You were wrong Hisoka," Tsuzuki whispered to his partner "I'm not human at all." And with that he lost consciousness.

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When Tsuzuki woke next it was well into the night, the humid breeze was heavily laden with cherry blossoms and he watched as the curtains gently lifted from the heavy air. He looked to his left and saw Watari leaning in sleep against an equally exhausted looking Tatsumi.

To his right lay Hisoka. Eyes closed. Was he sleeping, or unconscious? Zan sat in a stool leaning forward, hands clasped in meditation.

When Tsuzuki shifted he alerted the meditating Psychiatrist and Zan sleepily made his way over to Tsuzuki.

"How do you feel?" Zan asked whispering.

"Awake… worried" Tsuzuki glanced over at his partner.

"It worked, we got rid of the incubus… Tsuzuki, what did you say to Hisoka before you passed out?" Tsuzuki looked guiltily away.

"I said… that he was wrong, that I am not human" Zan seemed to understand exactly what Tsuzuki meant. He shook his lowered his head and chuckled softly.

"Don't let Kyo hear you say that." Zan said tiredly. There was a long pause. "He was really upset you know? Hisoka I mean, he was pissed off that we had let you do that. Finally Watari had to sedate him, not before he got in a few barbs though. He has a nasty temper."

"You haven't seen the worst of it…" Tsuzuki smiled sadly.

"You are the only one who can reach him now Tsuzuki. He's closing himself up, beginning to numb himself from the world, and in the process becoming bitter. Only you can help him with this part."

"Why."

"Because you are the only person who has ever shown him what love is. And not just love, unconditional love. That's pretty big. And something that he didn't know existed. He can't push that away, he feels like he would be betraying you."

"How do you know all this?"

"Hello? Empathic/telepath psychiatrist psychologist here, at your service."

"That's a doozy of a credentials you got going on there."

"Well I've had time to get them and I've got the healing type personality can you tell? I suppose Kyo would say it's my anal retentive side showing through, needing to fix broken things and broken people."

"Well you have come to the right place." He looked at his partner sleeping, now noticing a furrow in his brow.

A stirring drew their attention away from the sleeping teen. Watari was slowly rising to his feet shaking the soreness from his limbs, and yawning.

"I'm going to go make some coffee, you want something to eat Tsuzuki, never mind, stupid question. Watari grinned toothily. Tatsumi it appeared had been awake for the entirety of the conversation.

"Tsuzuki, I'm giving you and Hisoka medical leave for a month. But its not vacation so don't go wandering off." Tatsumi's blue eyes leveled on Tsuzuki's own wide ones

"A MONTH?"

"Shh Tsuzuki! Keep it down."

"A month!!!!" Tsuzuki whispered as loud as possible.

"Yes, and by the time you return to work, I expect the Muraki case will be taken care of, and you wont have to deal… with the likes of him anymore." Tsuzuki didn't know what to say, he looked between Hisoka and Tatsumi, a passing glance to Zan.

"You…you can't! Hisoka, his reason for being here is because he wants revenge…"

"Well revenge wont helps him, only you can." Zan offered to Tsuzuki.

"So you say." A heavy sigh escaped Tsuzuki. "I think I am going to… pamper the hell out of him."

He was met the secretary's grin. Tsuzuki wasn't just good for Hisoka, Hisoka was good for him, and he had never seen Tsuzuki get over something like finding out his heritage, so fast. In all the years of knowing him he had always chosen to silently brood. Perhaps he wasn't over it quite yet, but it was clearly taking a back burner to Hisoka.

The Purple eyed shinigami was outwardly optimistic, but Tatsumi could always tell that there was some underlying pain. This time something was different.

"It will be difficult." Zan warned a small smirk on his face.

"I don't care, I don't think Hisoka has learned what it is to be truly loved, I want to teach him that." Tsuzuki shakily began to climb from the bed.

"And how do you propose you do that?"

"By moving in together!"

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	13. Chapter 13

This chapter was written for SailorLight22! Seriously the entire chapter was spurred on for her, GET WELL SOON!

AN: Not much happens in this chapter just some cute fluffy filler.

I no own, you no sue.

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Hisoka woke with a splitting headache. What one might expect from having just been exercised of a demon. He didn't dare to open his eyes as that was never a good idea when one had a headache, instead he would try to go back to sleep and wait for either the pain to recede or unconsciousness.

When he rolled over to get more comfortable he was met with something warm.

"Oh no." Spoke the groggy teen. He carefully peeled one eyelid open to confirm his suspicion. His face was mere inches away of a 'panting'? inu Tsuzuki, wearing a look of pure joy.

"Your awake!" Tsuzuki yipped.

"Baka, head hurts." Hisoka spoke quietly shutting his eyes again to block out sunlight. Actually Hisoka had some questions for Tsuzuki but he just didn't want to be awake right now.

Suddenly the blankets were ripped off of him, Hisoka yelped and pulled the hospital Yukata down to cover his knees. His head whipped around, despite its protest.

"WHAT THE HELL-" Hisoka froze when he saw it was Tatsumi who had so eagerly removed his blankets, not only that, he was smiling. Hisoka shivered, having only witnessed that particular smile when the secretary was deranged from some damage Tsuzuki had inflicted on the department.

He looked up again and blushed as he noticed that Watari, Kyo, Zan, Yuma and Wakaba were standing around the room also.

Hisoka froze what the hell was going on?

"What happened, why are you here, you didn't get rid of the demon did you. I'm still possessed right?" Hisoka asked worriedly.

"Calm down Hisoka!" Watari said rushing forward. "Everyone just wanted to see you, they were worried." Hisoka flinched when Watari placed his hand on his forehead. Watari simply ignored it.

"Then what's going on?" Hisoka asked.

"Nothing." Tatsumi smiled impishly. Hisoka shivered 'that man should never make that face again.' "Its time to get up, you have been asleep for three days. We thought it was time to wake you."

Hisoka sat up more appropriately and tried to make himself seem unaffected by all the attention. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands.

"Awwwwe Hisoka is so CUTE when he just wakes up!" suddenly he was glomped by a very warm Yuma, that's when he noticed it. Something was terribly wrong. His eyes snapped to Zan.

"Relax! I just put a seal on you so that you wouldn't freak out with all the emotions when you woke up. It just tones them down a bit, that's all." Zan tried to placate Hisoka, he pointed at his chest. Hisoka wrestled his arm free and opened his Yukata a little to reveal a fuda.

He didn't like it. He almost made to peel it off when Kyo slapped his wrist. Hisoka looked up at the man eyes wide.

"You can take it off tonight ok?" Hisoka nodded meekly still staring.

"Come on Hisoka get dressed! We have something to show you!" Tsuzuki jumped up. Hisoka calmed a little when he could still feel some of the emotions off of Tsuzuki. But he still felt naked in front of them all. The prospect that they all could be hiding some terrible secret made him shiver.

Tsuzuki shoved the clothes at Hisoka, but Yuma grabbed them away before Hisoka could receive them.

"No, Hisoka is coming with me, I picked out a outfit and he will wear that, it is a special occasion after all!" everyone in the room eyes widened in fear, Hisoka began to crawl away from the girl, a look of utter horror on his face. He clawed at Tsuzuki's hands.

"No, please no…. I cant."

"Stop that! I'm not Saya you know! I do have better taste when it comes to dressing men, couldn't you people tell?" Everyone looked around at each other and sweat dropped.

Kyo stood there with an eyebrow raised, and Zan seemed to be squinting at the girl, trying to figure something out.

"I don't get it." Kyo said flatly. Tatsumi's head turned ever so slowly towards the two new comers. His neck seemed to make a creaking noise as it turned.

"Be afraid." He said eyes in utter seriousness. Wakaba stepped through the crowd, and took Hisoka's hand gently.

"Don't worry Hisoka, I helped her pick it out. Now come on." She coaxed the teen up he followed her and Yuma into the adjoining room. He looked over his shoulder in a silent plea for help.

"We should probably help him." Tatsumi stated.

"He'll be fine, I always go shopping with Wakaba." Watari shrugged as he began to organize some papers. The room sweat dropped again.

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Hisoka realized that the girls must have reined their flamboyant selves in. He had gotten away seemingly unscathed, despite the choker that he had to keep batting out of Yuma's hand.

"Oh COME ON. Girls don't just wear them!" Hisoka ignored her as he inspected himself in the mirror after he had left the dressing room (behind the infirmary curtains)

He was now wearing a new pair of black jeans (conveniently prefaded) that seemed to fit him better than any pair he owned. And a long sleeved sweatshirt, in thick orange and black stripes. He put the shirt on skeptically but was pleased to see that it fit his slight shoulders, despite having unnecessarily long sleeves. Most shirts hung off of him, accentuating his slight build, but this hid that fact.

He even said yea to the new form fitting black Jacket.

"Welllll?" Yuma was poised in anticipation to see if he truly liked what he saw.

"I can't believe you found stuff that actually…fits me." He blushed.

"But do you like it?!" Hisoka looked again at the new stylized black and orange tennis shoes. He liked those especially.

"I could wear this, I still like my other stu-"

"I KNEW IT I KNEW IT! Ha Saya will be so disappointed I was right she owes me ten bucks! I guessed his style right, and she said that a dark look wouldn't fit because his hair and eyes, oh but I knew it doesn't matter, its all about how you feel in the clothes right? Right. So when I saw this in the store and it just SCREAMED Hisoka…" She continued to babble as Hisoka turned to Wakaba, who hid the studded choker in her pocket before Yuma would notice.

"So you really like this?" Wakaba asked seriously squeezing his shoulder, While Yuma still babbled away in the background.

"Yeah I think so, I never really had a style I just wore whatever was cheap and available. Why did you guys…" he tapered off not really sure of himself.

"We wanted to give you a new look to help start over, every one needs a change and we thought you would like this." She said. A hint of sadness crept into her voice. Hisoka scratched the fuda on his chest.

"Personally I wanted the purple and black striped one for you, to bring out your eyes, and also to match with another Shinigami's eyes, but Wakaba said you would never wear purple…." Yuma continued.

"Well thank you." He looked down. "No one has ever done anything like this for me before, but I'm still going to wear my old stuff too."

"Well I wanted to take you out shopping again anyway. In case you didn't like this, and so you could pick." Wakaba smiled. "I requested a day off next week for Terazuma and I so we could all go shopping together!" Hisoka was dreading it already.

"Where is Terazuma any ways?"

"And when I saw the stripes I thought well its almost Goth, and Hisoka certainly acts Goth sometimes, he is definitely cool enough to pull it off…." Yuma continued on her tirade not noticing that Hisoka and Wakaba paid her no heed.

"Oh well we will meet up with him later after work" Wakaba quickly looked away. She was definitely hiding something

"Now WHERE is that damned choker!" Yuma threw various shopping bags out of her way as she searched.

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When Hisoka nervously made his way back into the infirmary, Kyo gave a catcall. Hisoka blushed furiously.

"It really suits you!" Zan rushed over and spun the teen around. "Don't you think?" Hisoka nodded shyly.

"I don't know what you were all nervous about. Wakaba has excellent taste." Watari said approving of the outfit. Tatsumi nodded.

"It is indeed well fitting, you don't look bedraggled like you did in that horrible orange sweater. Tsuzuki I suggest burning that." Yuma walked out behind the teen with a garbage can that had something on fire in it.

"Done and done. Hot! Hot!" She set down the can before her hands got burned.

"You burned it? What a waste! I like that shirt a lot!" Hisoka pouted.

"We'll get a new one Hisoka," said Wakaba who was holding Terazuma's lighter. She realized her mistake and quickly hid it in her pocket. Hisoka shook his head.

He slowly turned towards Tsuzuki, afraid of the purple eyed one's reaction to the change. As soon as he looked at the man though he was glomped again.

"Hisoka looks REALLY GOOD!" Hisoka was thankful for the fuda suddenly as a weak wave of admiration poured into him. Hinted with something else that was even more frightening.

Hisoka's mind wandered back to what Tsuzuki had said just before he passed out and he became suddenly eager to talk to the man. But afraid to ask in front of everyone so he kept his mouth shut. Maybe they would all leave now.

"Well time to get out of here!"

"Watari and I will meet you guys there later, some of us still have to work." Tatsumi smiled.

"Wha- where are we…" Hisoka stuttered

"It's a surprise!" Tsuzuki grabbed his hand and teleported Him and Hisoka to the library.

"What? What's the surprise," Hisoka asked skeptically. Well first we have to pick up something here.

"Its Hisoka!!" The floating birds suddenly were hovering around the disoriented immortal teen.

"How do you feel? You look better!"

"Actually I need to sit down." Hisoka muttered, too much excitement.

"Yes yes, we have been waiting for you and… Tsuzuki." The two birds cast a glare to the purple-eyed one. "We just sat down to tea, would you care to join us?" The twins ushered Hisoka over to a table that conveniently had been set for four.

"So… how have you been?" one of the twins asked nonchalant.

"Quite stalling, what's going on? Hisoka turned to Tsuzuki, "Stop hiding things from me." The two birds feathers ruffled as they hovered about in a tizzy.

"Hisoka nothing bad is happening, just trust me ok?" Hisoka was struck with those words. He had been untrusting hadn't he? He opened his mouth again but faltered. "I promise it's a good surprise now just calm down ok, lets have some tea." Tsuzuki said smiling calmly. He poured Hisoka a cup then the twins whose feathers began to slowly unruffled.

"Hisoka, we have something for you, When Tsuzuki destroyed the library there were lots of damaged books but some of them could be saved. Tatsumi gave us a good budget to replace all the damaged books, we were going to donate them but we thought we let you take them."

"That's very kind of you…"

"Well that was quite some time ago, so we took the liberty of keeping all the books we thought you would be interested in." One of the twins rose and took off a sheet that was covering a huge pile of boxes.

Hisoka was amazed to see five huge boxes of books; he slowly stood and made his way to the pile. Picking up a singed book. These were classics, He picked up the first book he ever fell in love with 'Dog of Flanders' He remembered reading it in the cold cellar by the light of the sun never wasting a minute of precious sunlight.

"I…I don't know what to say." Hisoka was in shock. "I… thank you, but I can only take a few, I don't really have that much room at my apartment."

Tsuzuki smiled as he watched the boy's awe. He looked to the GushoShin and winked. They nodded eagerly.

"Well we can go through them later ok Hisoka? Lets have some tea and relax, ne?"

They sat and had Tea with the twins. Tsuzuki protested at the lack of biscuits, and said tea wasn't tea with out biscuits. In which case the GushoShins pointed out that tea was Infact tea and would remain tea even with out the biscuits. Hisoka was rather quiet, plucking at the sleeve of his new striped shirt and sipping the macha that the GushoShins had decided on serving.

Tsuzuki's eyes lit up with mirth every time he caught Hisoka eyeing the mountain of books. The image of Hisoka crying out in pain as he lay beneath the blanket flashed into his mind. He bit back the sorrow over what this boy had suffered so much in his life already.

He didn't deserve to be brought up like that. No one deserved that. No one. 'Not even me.' Thought Tsuzuki with astounding clarity, he felt a hand on his and knew that Hisoka was trying to read him. He smiled sadly at the boy; he wouldn't hide from him anymore.

Hisoka withdrew his hand as if it had been burnt. Hisoka nervously looked away. But still his face was expressionless. 'I swear to you Hisoka, I will break down that wall that keeps your emotions locked up, whether you will look at me with fear or perhaps… something else. I promise to help you show those emotions.' He mentally vowed.

At that instant a loud crash could be heard

"Damnit, who put these books here?"

"Terazuma" Tsuzuki and Hisoka uttered both rolling their eyes.

"Ok, that's the cue! Out out out, we helped you for the sake of Hisoka NOW GET OUT." The GushoShins were a flutter, placing themselves in-between the two infamous quarrelers.

"We aren't going to try anything, you stupid chickens, I just came to get them." Terazuma pulled his pack of cigarettes from his pocket. One of the twins kicked the pack from his hands. Sending them skidding across the floor.

"Regardless GET OUT" the two birds yelled simultaneously. Terazuma chased after his cigarettes while Hisoka quickly retrieved his new jacket and headed for the door dragging Tsuzuki along behind him.

"Come on Baka, you've outstayed your welcome."

"Me? They started throwing a fit the moment dog-" Hisoka clamped his hand down over his mouth. They made there way out into the morning sun.

"I'm leaving I'm leavin!" The library doors slammed in Terazuma's face and a sign was promptly displayed that read, closed until further notice.

"Jeez, what did you do Tsuzuki?"

"Me?!"

"STOP." The two men stopped and crossed their arms staring at each other. "You came to get us, now why?" Tsuzuki marveled at how much like Tatsumi the teen could sound.

"Oh well, I'm supposed to take you somewhere." Terazuma said lighting up one of his recovered cigarettes.

"Where?"

"Never mind that, we are walking though." And Terazuma led the partners through the sakura grove.

"Hey Terazuma, why do you have paint all over you? It looks like you sat on a wet bench." Indeed Terazuma's bottom was covered in a light sage green. Tsuzuki snickered. The shikki possessed man refused to turn, as that would reveal a bright crimson blush.

"No reason."


End file.
